~

So far, so good!

Sonic sprite edits are in progress, a weird tacky armor suit complimented with a slightly oversized sword.

Knight in shining armor?

So much editting to do.

RPG Project -semiupdate-

Back then, I had plans for one Tales of Symphonia RPG Spinoff, I moved on and went with something that used Shining Soul (2) Sprites. I never really did much… but, now, I’m prepared to try my hand at a new task. Something I am motivated and will continue doing for years on end.

So far, the only thing I have is this basic sprite edit, Sonic holding a sword, with a basic attack animation. http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/3612/81418206.png

I’m not sure how far I can get with sprite editing, but I will be trying my best for at least 3 versions of a character. The story is related to twisted time, which means it -may- get confusing. Along with that, there’s some level of hope with making this story tie in with the -real- Sonic story. Set after the “events” of Sonic the Hedgehog ’06, mixing in a little of Sonic and the Black Knight. It’s a major work in progress.

Actually, this whole project is one big work in progress. It may take a year or three until something comes out, but sprites were never meant to be made so easily. I’m also planning for ‘CGI’ images, basically like in Riviera the Promised Land, it will use images for “cutscenes” mixed in with maybe some flash scenes. I’ve gained the ability to somewhat draw in Flash, so I can manage something…

It’s pretty much a 1.5 person project. A buddy is kind of helping, but he’s pretty much support.

There’s also some things on the net that help with customization so it’s not just your typical run of the mill ATB-battle system, and not just some ‘extreme’ fan work, like making everyone hit 9999 with bosses at 99999 hp and starting them off at level 99. I want to put my efforts into this, I want to make an RPG that’s enjoyable, something that ‘feels’ cool.

A solo project, a Sonic fantasy-based RPG. Don’t think anyone would really care, but for those of you who for some reason do, stay tuned for the next update.

A new 2k3 project.

A project that is going through a long thought process. An RPG based in the Sonic world, where everyone has a set of Fantasy weapons and armor. A world where somewhere is nowhere, and time is distorted. Is this land somewhere? It is nowhere. Does time even flow, or is it halted? Fighting enemies from the past, repeatedly, one after another.

Featuring Custom and Semi-custom sprites featuring characters that haven’t appeared in 2D in ages/at all (like Big, Team Chaotix, etc.) Sprite style is aimed to be more modern/that of the Sonic Advance/Battle games. A possible Job-character sprite relation, IE, No armor Sonic, when he gets his title, he becomes covered in knight armor. And a decent story. More in progress, this is all a draft.

This time I’m going to put my all into it. I’ve gained a new ability, and learned how to use Flash. It’s given a new outlook for art, and confidence for more things.

Sonic Sound Project

Too lazy and too tired to finish up Rockman Rock-On. So, I decided to see how many Sonic OSTs I can leech/collect/gather. As far as it goes, progress is great, and Sonic 3 is a pain. Unfinished, or missing tracks, etc. Finally got a complete one. Sonic 3, and Sonic 3 and Knuckles seem the same, but they removed some Sonic 3 tracks, plus it’s not a complete collection if you just cheat the tracks like that.

Fun, fun. Tired. Confused. Frustrated. Blargh.

Nothing

special has been happening. MapleStory seems to be getting the knights of cygnus soon.

NeoSteam hasn’t been fun lately.

Not sure what else.

July 4th wasn’t so entertaining, didn’t go out to see the fireworks because I don’t really know why.

-sigh- there has to be something special…. life is boring these days.

People…

So many issues. It’s part of a loop/never ending chain. There’s always the few who take things too seriously. There are also times when jokes go too far.

It’s only up to a few people to stay smart, and stay normal.

What else can you do to counter egotistical idiots and plain trolls?

It seems like they say the same things or try to trash talk when they either contradict themselves or just plain fail at getting the point. The internet, is serious business.

ToS!

Lots of repeated music.

Tales of the World Narikiri Dungeon 3′s ToS Battle Theme!

Finally..directions to Atlus. For some reason it’s Atlas USA on maps. Google and Mapquest list it as Atlas….website links to atlus.com, too.

Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…

Rotting away.

Thinking less, thinking slower, typos typos typos, NeoSteam’s side effects. Attention span fading.

Must..think..more!

Not much going on recently, need something fun going on.

Final Fantasy XI – Trial day 1 – 11:19 PM

While it’s patching..I’m going to try out Final Fantasy 11. Other than that, AVG found a strange trojan that just popped up out of nowhere, it’s called marioforever.exe, wonder what the hell that was about.

Alrighty, FF11, Lo and behold!

Final Fantasy XI – Day 1 & 2

So, there are no tutorials, and no guides. Quests/the beginning novice thing isn’t very helpful either. By level 5, you’re partially screwed. It’s a grindfest, and no one talks. I’m not sure if it’s fun or not.

Basics  :  After logging in, you want to first change the controls and settings. Click using the scroll wheel and that’ll open a menu, click again and you’ll find config.

That’s probably the most annoying thing I’ve had to figure out…. there’s a gap in what to do from here to 10+, and there’s no way to tell if an npc has a quest or not. 

People aren’t much help, but there have been a few nice white mages casting protect shell and cure on people. This is in the Bahamut server, so maybe I need to try out other places…

I swear, no noob guides, I might have to make one… I don’t want people to get lost like this, it takes the fun out of the game. For the most part, starting out is fairly unprofessional.

I’ll need to find more flaws to pick out, and more things to say. Pros and cons maybe.

Sorting..school? Age? – ?!

Ah, sorting out thoughts is nice. You never know what’ll happen or when it’ll happen. And a note to anyone who actually looks here, interested in a tutorial category with complete picture guides or videos? [I really, really, really, really really really doubt anyone looks here!]

Additional rant combo!  

Anyone want some counseling?!  Teens, do NOT go to the school’s counseling and guidance offices, ever. I’m going to be blunt here; They SUCK. Not all of them suck, but let’s face it here. schools are based on education for the children, not the children themselves. Let’s face it, “children are our future”? The children get their own say in their future, they are their own future. I have a feeling that I’m starting to get cornier and cornier.

“Why don’t you want to go to school?” “Because I don’t want to.” “That’s not a reason.” What else is there? Everything’s simply lacking. There’s no fun. Times change, everything’s different these days.

But, seriously, schools need to focus on children. Not what they do, not what they eat, not what they learn, but what they become or want to become.

[I remember saying I wanted to be a teacher in 2nd grade. But like most kids, we hardly knew about the world beyond schools. Back in the days, the internet was limited, where most people had dial-up. The thing is, now, kids can simply broaden their horizons with a simple click and a few keystrokes.]

Basically, every year, the amount of homework seems to continuously increase. You can’t learn everything in a day, you can’t learn everything in a year, you can’t learn everything in a life time. Not all people have a knack for math, expecting that much out of them is biased. The average person doesn’t need some super high leveled degree of English knowledge to live life either. Hell, even our external exercise sources are limited. But, that’s due to age.

Now, there’s the next subject aside from school annoyances. Age, why does it matter? Apparently, they imposed age restriction to keep kids out of everything. However, the real kids are also within the same group as adults. It’s not fun when you have to be 18+ for every little thing. It’s basically like Runescape’s premium limited access. Instead of being a member to do everything [including opening gates!], you have to be 18+.

Ah whatever. A little under 2 months and 1 year until these restrictions are gone.

Another day, Another night

Well, it’s another day in this life. I normally get kicked off the computer around this time, which is pretty annoying. It’s been atleast 7 years since I’ve been wanting one, and my mom said I could get a laptop soon. It’s ironic, because I get kicked off whenever I start having fun. With that said, this afternoon went pretty well. I got my chance to finish most of the character battle animations for RPGMaker, and finished some animes.

World Destruction ended today, too. It should’ve lasted twice as long, would’ve been more epic. But, since it’s by Sega, they expect you to play the game to know more. I must say, WD reminded me of the Shining series a lot, especially since it was the whole beastmen and human thing, and that some characters just have some sort of similarity in one way or another. If anyone wants to discuss WD or the Shining series with me, let’s discuss!

Other than that, my time’s just about up. Another cycle to be repeated. Perhaps an endless one.

One more thing . . .

Before I get the boot, knowingly soon. My RPG is based on Tales of Symphonia, Username of Xnovice on youtube. Search to see a sample. From nearly two years ago.

I’m not sure of what to do with it, whether it’ll be a spinoff or a sequel/prequel to the sequel of the newest Symphonia game.

I haven’t planned much, but it’s going along smoothly. As much as I can say, I’m planning to have multiple overlimits under different circumstances, like Lloyd is at HP critical, you have the options of busting out an attack, or regaining your health/status. Or a mix of both. OR SOMETHING.

 I want to do something like an ‘ExSphere Grid’, but I can’t really do custom menus yet. The ESG would be kind of like FFX’s SG. I want to add stuff like extra stat bonuses, more attack tiers[like Demon Fang with levels. LV 3 Demon Fang vs Level 1 Double Demon Fang – LV 3 deals a mass amount of damage. Or something of that sort.

It’ll have a semi-hard difficulty, but if you can get the grasp of some battles, they’ll be a cinch. Kill a flower, kill the whole mob. Let an ally die, more monsters appear. ETC. Strategic random battles.

I want to try to make it into one of the top RPGMaker fangames. But, with my knowledge and skill limitations, I can’t do too much, so I’m going to make it one of the greatest basic fangames.

Doubtedly that anyone’ll actually read this, this does give me some motivation, and posting regular updates seems fun. Like making a real game.

The ToSProject should be demo’d in about 2 weeks or a month/month and a half. I may have a lot of things planned, but it sounds easier on paper/text/walls. Impossible to do.

. . . . . Rant . . .

This rant…I want to get it out of my system. Before my sanity dies, and rage ends up blinding me.

Ironically, my rage does make my vision blur every now and then, but that’s only when I think of ‘him’. It just makes my blood boil to no end. I need to stop so I don’t put my health at risk. Perhaps it’s a bit late for that now, but I guess I’ll be good to go once he moves out. IF he ever moves out.

My ‘brother’ slowly drives me insane. I’ve decided to quit MMORPGing until I get my laptop, hopefully by December. For now, I don’t know what to do. I’ve deleted all the games off the ‘other’ computer, and this one still has everything. I guess I’ll play every now and then. No more life-wasting fun.

Always claiming the false. Apparently he’s taking credit on my attititude, which slowly happened based on my raising and ‘coming of age’. Apparently the PS2 is his and not mine. Hell, for the last few years, I was guilible enough to fall for his false words. We’ve had a total of 3 PS2′s, 2 GameCubes, and 2 xboxs. It sounds like a last-gen kid’s happiest dreams. It would’ve been, had he not kept trading one thing for another. Hell, he’s the one who stole $500.00 off my mom just for an xbox.

If it were a 360, I would’ve convinced my mom somehow, but since it wasn’t out at the time, I didn’t really care. It’s his stupidity that drives me insane.

BUT, for the PS2, there’s a limit on your words. 3 dogs, my ‘family’ were taken away from me, in exchange, my mom gave me $100. The reason is, they weren’t there when I came home from school. That was the day I lost my best friends. I love dogs, and like so, I knew there was nothing we could do. They were to be taken away by force.

He’s claiming credit on something I had to make one hell of a sacrifice for. There’s no way in hell that I’ll just stand idly by and hear such crap. I was beyond depressed when that time came, it was one of those ‘my life is over’ type of things, but I digressed…a day later.. But, now, I have gotten over it. It hurts, but it’s life.

[And that we had to pay to keep them. Animal control, my ass. They just want to make money with these creatures.]

He’s taken countless dollars from me. Always in the form of a 5, 10, or 20 dollar bill. No more. I’ve grown up a little too late to realise this, but he uses everyone for his own goddamn personal gains. His ‘girlfriend’ who seems to be an ‘ex’ now, he traded her Nintendo DS, which, ironically, was going to be mine. I had plans ready, I was going to get an R4 so I could finally try out JPN Exclusives. He also sold off her brother’s GBA SP. He almost got away with selling mine once… He even ‘accidentally’ sold one of my friend’s game. As for another friend’s game. He sold that. Blunt, huh?

Plus he CONSTANTLY brings friends over. There’s never a silent week. When they burst out laughing, it keeps me awake for another hour. Nearing the chance at some shut eye, and then BAM! Idiotic laughter on ‘random’ stuff. There’s a limit to Youtube, especially when everyone’s trying to get some sleep. And then, my mom goes and tells him to keep it down, ironically it was a time when they finally shutted their mouths. I guess it’s because they were eating. More like freeloading. Anyways, he said something like “We’re not even making any noise!” Bull.

It started much sooner, but, I have to go from hiding my money into just hiding some gum[out of 40 pieces, more than half of it is gone, and not by me.] It’s pathetic, and I’m sick of it. He legally doesn’t live in this household now, so that means I could figure out loopholes to use against him. He happens to still have a katana that hasn’t been broken yet. If I can manage things right, I could pull of some grand scheme. ‘Tresspassing’ ‘Assault’ ETC. It’s a bit psychotic, so I don’t want to bother, but if it goes extreme, he’s going to feel some judgment. Harsh, harsh judgment. I may be 16, but I’m certainly smarter than him.

I get the feeling of wanting to kill him at times. I know I’ll never do it. It’s the thought that counts.

On another note, he managed to buy a hamster and net a speeding ticket for driving 55 on a 40, fine of $155, I think. Enough money to spend on his friends, but not enough to contribute to anything beyond friends. He even put his girlfriend before family…..like that one time… 

My school’s pretty far. Homeschooling’s the way, but I still need to go once a week to turn in work, and that week was the starting day. I had to walk home with my mom. He was still home when me n’ my mom returned.

It’s funny, because everyone in my family shares something in common. We all hate that one person. He’s no brother, he’s no son, he’s not family. No longer can he be considered a part of something great. He’s an overlydramatic immature spoiled brat, with a very short temper. He once was called my brother.

I think I’m the one who sounds spoiled now. I guess everything has another point of view in it, but I’ve had it with him. [End...]

Goods, Just goods. + Goods!

Well, I still have stuff on MU, I’m just deleting these things since it’s not so important.

And for anyone who’s interested or who has actually bothered reading these posts.

Tales of Voice Clips! http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HLZLOB64

And, Yggdra Union’s Perfect Audio Collection PLUS. http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WQ159NG0

the Yggdra Union PAC+ is basically the original GBA BGMs and clearer instrumentalized versions as well as a few additional arranged versions that are used in the PSP version.

Might as well add a new category for those who want the voice clips/audio collection.

Digressing + rant reasoning

Well, I’ve digressed. For now, I’ll let my words be my sword, and my plots be my shield.

It’s amazing how much stress can be relieved from posting a rant, it’s also quite fun.

In other news, my RPG Maker project is on a bit of a hiatus. School focus. I planned out my week, although it’s a bit late, I can finish a bunch of things by focusing on those. Once those are done, I can finally resume my RPG 2k3 fun.

And, if FFX isn’t challenging, then make it challenging. Stupid international sphere grid. It’s a plus that everyone can learn Lancet fairly early, but for Kimahri, you need to decide on a path, a good pick path.. I don’t think it was a good idea to go with Tidus, and I was planning to branch from Tidus to Auron, but then, I want Hastega. Two with Hastega, Three with Haste, 6 with Cure, 4 with Drain. Plus, it’s funny with everyone knowing Cure. Beats the hell out of regular potions any day.

Other than that, I’ve yet to start on Tales of Destiny 2. It’s funny, but ToD2 seems to have the least amount of skills/techs. The Destiny remake seems to have loads of them, infact, it’s like Stan has the most techs for a main character. Well, 5 Hi Ougis, atleast 6 or more spells, and over 30 or 40 techs. And I don’t think I have everything yet. And Namco COULD release Tales of Destiny 2 under that name, since Eternia’s PSX release is under ‘Tales of Destiny II’, not 2 but II ! ! ! And, for a blast to the past, screw the rules! ToD should have their original voicing. If it were an online-only ordering for ToD:DC, then that’d be worth it.

I mean, all they need to do is put together a story translation, menu translation, and that’s about it. It’s better with the original voices, especially since the PSX version wasn’t dubbed, due to the probability that Namco JP didn’t give Namco US the programs to rebuild the game correctly. Rebirth would be an optional release. Seriously, Namco should just give us these games.

There shouldn’t be any rules on the languages. We should have our own choices on languages. Why not print out a version with a dub, and one without? Undubbing made easier. Plus, a fine example would be Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix+. That’s an undubbed version for Japan with extras. They get both sides, English and Japanese voice actings. Apparently,there’s some sort of law or rule or something that’s against voice acting. It has to be in English, or mostly english, to be released. That means, some games would stick with dual audio, like Disgaea.

But, others would do something rash, and harsh. Look at what SEGA did to Shining Tears. I’ve resorted to playing that 3-in-1 thing off of Mininova. Shining Tears JPN version, Macross, and Alien Versus Predator.

If I’m desperate, I might as well play that. if only someone would undub it. Or patching with with the English script. I guess undubbers just don’t care enough. Oh well. Or maybe they couldn’t get hold of a clean JPN version for the voices? I don’t know, but I do know noone’s going to do it, ever. I would do it if I knew how. I would litterally try until I succeed.

blah

Boredom kills. There hasn’t been much to do lately, except for playing Atlantica Online and whatnot.

I’m still trying to change, but it’s harder than it seems. It’s easy yet hard. Guess I’m not trying hard enough. Other than that….I think I can easily say that I don’t really have any friends. It’s one of those moments where they’re just a bunch of immature idiots. Having to be near people who constantly talk about sexual related things…I’d rather die.

Nothing much left to say about “friends”. There are two types of people. Those who choose to be immature, and those who don’t. Walking the path of idioticy has been done once. That’s how…long story… regrets, regrets, regrets. I left out a few things from the previous post…which I think I can remember this time.

“You are your own god.” It’s wrong to believe in something and use that something as excuses for everything else. It’s not a belief if one thing can contradict another thing. I’d have to say something corny here… Believe in yourself. Think rationally, pull out all the logical points you can. If there are none, use a rational explanation. Think until you can think no more. Even then, think. Thoughts are priceless. Some thoughts will end up as a reality, so long that it’s provided that you know how to get to it. It’s like playing a rhythm based game. Button mashing won’t get you far, you’re bound to slip up and lose.

Funny. It’s much easier to type these things after thinking. The thing below was just a mess…. Guess that’s a type of change.

On another note, I’m waiting for my laptop. Soon enough, the time will come.

[I really need to finish up on RPGMaker... I even have special sprite edits. Like the regular tales games, I've included weapon-changes. The only downfall - I haven't finalized it and am having technical difficulties with it.]

Sketches!

I’m happy to be able to scan my sketch/fan art of my favorite game/series/etc.

Sketches of Hyouun and Rouen of shining wind took the longest, and are the most recent, and is also my best. Plus the wallpapers I used.

Then there’s Volg and Lazarus of Shining Tears, I had the most fun doing those. Fun back then, now I need to redraw them.

In order - Volg, Rouen, Lazarus, Hyouun, Wallpaper versions of Rouen, Hyouun, MSNIcon - Lazarus.

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/777/sketchvsx0.jpg

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/4823/sketchrxd5.jpg

http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/3/sketchlho3.jpg

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/9513/sketchhwb8.jpg

http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/4434/swrouenri0.jpg

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/8194/swhyou1qg5.jpg

http://img360.imageshack.us/img360/4176/lazarustx7.jpg

I am that is, and I am that isn’t

After a lot of thinking, I really feel more…well, feeling that life’s worth loving a little more nowadays. It’s only been a day since these thoughts. I had found myself a little late, albiet a simple thought process at 1AM. This time around, it’s a fairly lengthy insert for this blog.

If you’re suicidal, don’t slit your wrist and die a death that will make others suffer. Killing yourself is pointless. ’Others’ don’t care, right? 

If you’re depressed and feel hopeless, then continue life as you are. No one cares, right…?

Think again. People can easily seem to not care, but they really do care. You can keep denying yourself these things, but that doesn’t mean the truth is hidden.

My thoughts, if you want to be something else, be that. Being a human, consisting of flesh and bones, it doesn’t mean that you’re JUST a human. It’s like creating an alternate self. If you RolePlay, you’re making a character that you can be, that you are. I personally like to ‘be’ another character. Taking it a step too far, EX: taking on a name from that game, may be a bit too extreme, but it’s a step towards something.

It’s like a reason to live. You are your own being, do whatever you want. Hide your alternative persona behind your human body, and be your true self when you’re comfortable. This doesn’t mean your some kind of a freak. Even if it does, that’s one person’s opinion. One doesn’t outweigh one hundred. Well, it’s not like we can believe and become something else. Well, not unless science becomes helpful and offers up on mutation, I’d gladly apply and be a test subject.

You are your own being, govern yourself and become he who is, not he who isn’t. There are many things that you want to do, don’t just want, DO. You can easily be negative and think that you have no power, no strengths, no abilities, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something for you. I’m stupid, idiotic, slightly depressed, homocidal, overweight, and ‘weak’. That doesn’t mean I haven’t given up on myself. I’m enforcing myself, and going to earn my power, my strengths, my abilities.

Sure, I have given up in the past, but changes happen. Waiting to change is pointless. Make your own changes. I won’t just sit back and waste away. I won’t be some hopeless idiot who gives up on everything without trying, or trying hard enough. I’ve made too many regrets as it is. 

I found meaning in life, during the times I didn’t care, or feel like living anymore. It was simple. I was being a stupid average teenager. I’m still a teenager, but I’m not the same. People can easily say they want to change, but people can’t easily change. This kid WANTS to grow up. This kid WILL grow up. One sword is now sheathed, another one is now wielded. Good-bye childhood, you’re no longer mine.

While these are just simple words, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t do anything. Think about it for yourself.

Like my “friend” said, apparently I’m too much of a gamer. My life = games. Don’t like it? F’ off. [As an added bonus, that 'friend' said he didn't trust me, quite bluntly. I didn't do anything to deserve that. Don't betray one's trust so easily, or there shall be nothing more than hell to pay.]

I like games. It’s not my fault, hell, I’m the one who decided on it. It’s the same to other people. He who lives for sports, he who lives for life, he who lives for fun, he who lives to live.

Hm..

There’s so much to do, there’s so little time.

From games to uploading things to homework.

There are two types of people. Those who are lazy, and those who are not.

A birthday

Well, tomorrow’s my dad’s birthday. I need to figure out what to get. I’m guessing a simple card would do. Maybe I’ll go with a card and a Home Depot gift card. He’s a construction worker, so he’ll need all the tools he can get. Although my $30 budget won’t get much, and it technically is his money, given to me as a monthly allowance[$20 per month, or so.]

Well, whatever. Be it $10 or $25, a gift’s a gift.

-Plans +Boredom

To those who are still seeking the voice clips…Category : Goods & Gifts

Well, the plans from last month failed. I couldn’t get that present because I didn’t know Blockbuster would charge tax on prepaid cards. Long Story short : I wanted to get some cash stuff for LaTale.

After that was the halloween fiasco. I really wanted to trick-or-treat for once. But, my friend’s dad said no, while his mom said yes, thus he didn’t get to go because his mom said no afterwards. My dad also commented that I was too old to trick-or-treat, then again, I don’t recall a time where he went with me. Other than that, I give up on holidays. Having things ruined after being planned suck big time. Oh well. No crying over spilt milk.

As for RPGmaker. Rushing a demo, going to attempt to move the project from 2k3 to XP, and one day, or not, VX.

Basically it’ll be a 2k3 demo, then an XP demo, or/and an XP final version.And with a few ideas and additions, things are going to be fun and easy for quite some time.

…

With the exception of some local issues, blah blah blah blah blah blah

Dropping the Symphonia project, and starting up a new original plan with RPGMaker XP. Major plans, full efforts, may take some time to create, but unlike Symphonia and 2k3, being motivated helps.

Not much to actually post at this moment, but I doubt anyone would actually care.

On another note, changing is hard and fun. No details at the moment.

I think I’m starting to learn more on scripting in RMXP.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6RFMMCS6 - Shining Soul II SoundTrack ripped using VBA. with some bonus tracks from Shining Soul I.

Now that’s out of the way, still waiting for my Shining Soul II to arrive, with plans of getting a gba flash card. No more purchases of official games. With the 360 getting a large amount of attention, that includes Star Ocean 4 coming out…a 360 is now a must have.

Other than that…nothing really happened lately. Nothing to really do until later.

A new arrival

A PC and Shining Soul II on the same day, what luck. It’s about 5AM, I should be getting to bed…

Rob Blasomethingvich

Alright, I just want to get this out of my system. Anyone who misses his court appearances to get on TV shouldn’t say jack about not being given the chance to defend himself. It was, what, 2 days? Jeez, just admit you’re guilty and move on with your life.

A phone call that was taped lead to being enough proof. And pushing it with saying it’s something that someone would do to defend the government or something, is enough proof. He didn’t deny it, he admitted it. Common clues already made him guilty.

I’m shocked with his supporters, I mean, the proof was in the recording. It’s undeniable, with him admitting it. People must be in denial. I don’t think there’s anything left to say.

Like ‘Lie To Me’ on FOX, it shows, some of those things, you can actually tell when a person is lieing. ESPECIALLY if they continue to say “I’m innocent!” or get aggresive while saying “I didn’t do anything!”. That itself will make you guilty, regardless of what people say or do.

Mexicans..and our president

A few minutes and I hear an interesting story. Apparently an 88 year old WWII veteran is being held in a mexican jail for..DOING NOTHING. I know this is a two sided story, and such, but…. the average teen mexican loves to lie and have sex.

Note, this is average. It’s true considering there are many, many, many teens with children. I’ve had 3 pregnants in one class, and at school I heard a kid say “daddy” pointing, and such, while a student went to get his things.

Now then, back to the story. When being asked, a 13 year old said that he asked to take photos, and would give more money for nude photos. Ironically, the other side said that the grandfather was in the car waiting, while his grandson was doing something out of the car. Now, if you don’t set foot in the store, then that means nothing.

Things can easily be said, but, this is just sad. An 88 veteran isn’t going to be so stupid as to commiting a crime. Who knows, maybe the mexicans misheard him, maybe someone really asked photos. All I can say is, his family and himself are worried about him dieing in that jail. Apparently he has to sleep on the floor and has pnuemonia.[SP?]

Now, as an additional commentary. The president and the first lady appeared at a 2nd grader’s class. I have to say, they made history, and the presidents of the US are finally acting like normal people. That’s all they are, normal people. Sure they’re in the government, but even gov’s are normal people. They just have access to information that can help or harm. I think they are acting like who they are as a person, and not as some head of the governments.

Where the hell is common sense?

I swear…I was actually stressed out to the extent where my eye sight focus weakened temporarily.

People have no common sense these days. Especially when it comes down to context clues, and saying the right things.

I can’t take it anymore. I love to think, but when it comes down to it, thinking and having a convo only works when the person is actually using common sense.

 If only common sense lived up to being common, then maybe this world would be more bearable. I bet crime ratings would drop, gangs would be minimal, the economy would be patched up in no time, and the mexican population would be similar to the average of other races.

No wonder why people say the world will end in 2012. By then, stupidity will increase to the point where all the smart patient people end up killed off, and they’ll be left alone, dumbfounded and looking for someone to help them.

Completion

I’ve finally been getting things done. Videos, KMS cygnus making, etc. Next up, RPGMaker XP’s project displayed after a few tweaks and a bunch of edits. Est. 3 weeks due to other things.

Stopped with FF11, it’s too weird and my trial will end eventually.

A new sleeping time of 7AM to 8AM is really bad… I need to readjust my clock. I guess looking at things and doing something that interests me keeps me up a little too long..oh well, me need sleep now. ZZZZZ.

What is ‘God’?

After a long amount of time spent thinking, I’ve decided to list things out.

This ‘God’ isn’t exactly the ‘creator’. It’s more like, s/he is a governor of life, applies to Satan/Lucifer/’the’ Devil.

I mean, the bible is like a storybook but with contradictions that contradict even the contradictive words of another contradiction. ‘God’ doesn’t give life, it was already proven scientifically when a man and a woman go througuh sexual intercourse. [Thank things where thanking is necessary, not when it's not necessary.]

Ever wondered why praying doesn’t work? It’s because you’re supposed to achieve your own goals with your own two hands. The only time it does work is occasionally when a ‘miracle’ happens.

It’s like the Tales of series, with summon spirits. God is a spirit of ‘light’. Ever wondered why prayers aren’t answered, and why ghosts/other spiritual beings get repelled by holy-related things? God lends you power against these beings, because…well, here’s my theories

The world -> Balance of life[all ty pes] -> banishing/sending to another plane/area/world/whatever.

Fightinig a spirit -> claiming the ‘soul’ -> something

Light & Dark -> RPG-like balance -> Shining – Soul / 2 / Force

Basically, Satan would be evil, and wouldn’t care about the ‘spirit’ wandering on Earth’s surface, as long as it tortures people, and occasionally sends a ‘demon’ to take control of person. That’s where you’ll use the power of light to defeat the darkness, to keep the world at a balance.

It’s all like this : God is a spirit, praying asks for some power to be lent. When a spiriual being is around you, praying will probably help. Make up your own prayers[actually, it's more like an incantation like an RPG] and have holy trinkets. Crosses, etc, etc. It’s kind of like…how in Final Fantasy, holy water cures zombification. A special weapon of sorts, a host for power? I really am just making this part up as I go.

However, regarding the indian burial grounds, that may be a whole different story. Perhaps, you need to use an Indian’s god?

I just wanted to get this off my mind.

Trust?

You know, when asking someone about promising something, they’re most likely not going to keep the promise forever. Fair chance it’ll break, or a secret will leak out.

It really damages the other person’s thoughts when you or a friend of a friend breaks a promise.

Guess trust isn’t worth having yet. I’m a naive kid still. After the ‘brother’ incidents, I’ve managed to hold my grudge. But, what good is that?

I really wish people actually thought of things. Being selfish and using people will end up haunting you. Breaking promises and sharing even the most embarassing of secrets will destroy the friendship. Think before you open your mouths.

Oh well, if I learn my lesson now, there’ll be less painful mistakes in the future. As if.

New determination

Well, I finally did something odd and extreme. I was shocked that I did such a thing.

I guess..if you put your mind at a blank vegetative state it, you can do anything. Maybe now I can kill my fear of spiders by killing spiders to kill my fear. Although the only times I probably would end up fearing would be..if they’re poisonous…tarantulas…black widows…

Press onward, move in the only direction possible, be more aware of yourself.

I’m brimming with thoughts, and slowly boiling with actions.

Limitless potential shall consme thee, for thou not yet knows the true level of courage.

Final Fantasy XI – Aftermath

Okay, so here’s the overview of my time with FF11. It’s overall a great game. Here’s what I can sum up on what to do, and whatnot.

There are three ‘nations’ that you can pick from. I’ve only tried 2 so I can’t say much. I can’t even remember the names, so you’ll have to bear through it if you don’t know what to pick. There’s a mountain-like area, with barrens, there’s the typical castle-town surrounded by forests. And last, I think it may be green semi-endless plains.

Now for starters, when you’re trying it out, there are things you *might* need to know. Following the previous FF11 Day 1 & 2 trial, there’s a bit more to it.

It seems that the controls are more adapted to using an actual controller a la PS2. Your mouse is generally useless, for the most part. Otherwise, it’s a slight steep/probably not so steep learning curve.

You have the starting quest, which aren’t very descriptive if you want to rush into action. An NPC will tell you where to go, you need to select the specified NPC, select trade in your menu [click mousewheel]. You will get about 50Gil. Then you must find your way to some guard NPC that will give you some starter quest/s. Get Signet, return, level up to 3 [Walk out of town, generally near the market areas, kill stuff.] Then you hit 5, go back to the Signet caster, select exchange, go all the way down, select the item that the quest NPC asks for. Then you have to make your way up to 5.  After that, you’re told to kill a seemingly impossible monster in a new area.  From there, I have no more knowledge. I stopped because that monster was impossible, and grinding in MapleStory is easier.

[Now, there are two different types of things. Quests and Missions. Missions are more..well, mission-y. Quests are..quests. This is really self-explanitory.]

Obviously, the server you play in plays in with the amount of people that are online. If you join an active one, you’re bound to have a joyful time. If it’s empty, tough luck. It especially affects your job type. If there are no people to party with, you’re going to be a lonely White Mage. Or you’re bound to be a dead Warrior.

As for the multi-job ability. You must go to the residential area and figure out how to get yourself a mog house. You can’t do it until level 15, if I remember correctly. So it’s in your best interest to pick the job you want to play the most. Chocobos can be gained at level 30. Epic battles begin later on in the game. GRIND. GRIND!!!. GGGRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Recommendations - It’s a steep grind towards 10 atleast, so be prepared. If you have friends to play with, you’ll probably like it more than most people. If you’re a soloist, it’s most likely not for you. If you’re a soloist grinder, feel free. The music is also nice, it’s not exactly a reason to play, but it keeps an epic tune for some time.

I think that’s all. Oh, and getting Gil at low levels is a pain in the ass. Healing items don’t really for noobs either. Good Luck…you’ll definitely need it.

Rockman, Rock on! – Rockman X8!

Okay, I’ve decided to become a meganerd and ended up downloading and collecting Rockman OSTs. I still need a few before I can get an ultimate set of tracks. I’ve labled the project “Rock on, Rockman” but I leave it at Rock On.

I’ve also gotten hands on Rockman X8 PC. The JPN voices rule. The only thing frustrating is…or are… a few annoying stages. New bad memories rule. Rockman style.

Advice : you have new enemies. Cars, speedy spike pillars, and Vile. [Didn't he die in X1?]

Sleepless

Interrupted sleep ruins everything. Wind up sleeping later on in the day, destroys schedules, etc.

Branching from one week into the next. One person after another, one thing after another.

Dungeon Running

Dungeon Runners .. it’s a tough nut to crack. Back when it came out, it was pretty terrible. The graphic quality was bad, and the gameplay wasn’t very smooth. Revisiting it was a good idea. The membership thing might scare some people off, but, in this case, membership really is just for people who want to support or people who can support. This is basically a free game. Aside from the 15% exp/gold changes and cheaper exchanges and more equipment options…you can basically reach the cap for no actual cost.

Now, for equipment, there are MANY types of them. Normal being grey, common being blue, uncommon being green, rare being yellow, etc, etc. However, some rares call for premium membership. A lot of items call for membership. That means if you find one, you’re most likely going to npc it. As for nonmembers, you can get the same gears, but to actually get a non-membered item is pretty rare. At the end-game, rainbow named item have a 5% chance of being membered. And are usually sold by one certain NPC. Unlike other games, finding equips is pretty easy, and finding good statted ones feel very rewarding as your power actually increases.

It’s a change from the typical point and click, although you still point..and you’d have to click…how else would you attack? Let’s get the basics down with skills, first.

There are 3 types of skills. Active, Passive, and Buff.

There are two types of actives, instant and ‘wait’. Fireball, is an on demand cast. Aim yourself and press/click. Having a load of instants in an action-realtime hack&slash mmorpg is a must, unless you have multitarget ‘wait’s. As for obtaining, you need to have some gold to purchase them. There’s no SP involved, and you can learn ANY skill you desire. As long as you can afford it.

And now, gameplay. There’s a lot of clicking since regular attacks aren’t configured to a button, so it’s not like an instant skill. It’s a bit of a mess if you have all the loot names on, or there’s a lot of loot in general. This only applies to grouping, though.

The emphasis is on Dungeon. Dungeons are generally multitiered so…and in Dungeon Runners, if you choose to kill everything, you’re going to have quite a few hours burnt. That’s if you’re alone and your group doesn’t want to split up. However, if you have lots of time, soloing 1 dungeon can take up to 3 hours if you’re going back to town a lot.

For items, assign yourself some potion hotkeys, you only need to focus on two. HP and MP. And one of the most used items will be a waypoint scroll. Your most convinient means of transportation back to town. Always keep more then 1 on hand.

As for quests, they’re there for gold. If you have spare time, you can farm the first dungeon a bit after you get your own ‘rare’ or powerful item. By then, you could easily afford some skills and move on to dungeon #2.

Now to break it down. Basics, start noob quests, run through first dungeon, get used to game, get equipment, get skills. Eventually you’ll want to start grouping, but soloing is fine.

And some additional information, your class matters somewhat. But, because you can learn all skills, the only thing that actually matters would be your stats. Stats can be reallocated freely for the price of some gold. Varies on level. Basically, you can go with a mage-knight combo by picking a mage, or a warrior. Equipments don’t require certain classes. Not only do they not require classes, ANYONE can use ANYTHING. And there are only three, Warrior, Mage, Rogue, so there’s nothing to make a big deal out of. Only that the starting skills are different.

It’s really different, you have countless possibilities. Lets say you are tired of being a warrior at level 100. You re-allocate, put points into INT/Endurance[optional, every now and then], pick up some INT/magic-element based gear, aquire some skills[you're 100, you *should* have random ones by now.] and then you’re done.

?

Boredom, grind, fun, California High School Exit EXAM.

Studying is a pain..there’s not much time left, but studying now[saturday] will pretty much teach me information that’ll be forgotten by wednesday and thursday.

Extra :

I really wish people would leave god out of everything. Really, let’s just say someone’s paralyzed. Instead of praying and doing nothing, you’re better off forcing yourself to move so you can regain that ability.

Lesson of the day : “Rewards are given for efforts” – You can’t always ask for everything and get it. Work, work, WORK! However, rewards won’t always be given. When that happens, you’ve wasted your time, or that person/thing/whatever is just being a female dog. That, or the reward remains unseen because you can’t realise it yet.

One story ends

So, the other day I finally left that corrupted drug-like mmo called MapleStory. I have to admit, the community really has degraded. It was not very nice to have someone say “oh” or continuosly say “I can’t stop you”. It’s more like, if you really are someone’s friend, try to say something meaningful or don’t say anything at all. Ironically, they don’t seem to have any purposes aside from MapleStory. There’s AIM and MSN, but what’s the use? Basically, if I don’t play the game, there’s no point in talking with me anymore.

To think I stupidly wasted my time there. A word of advice for Teens. Realise your mistakes ASAP. Otherwise it’ll be quite late, and you’ll cause regrettable damage to yourself. Simply put, it’s like sex.

 When you have sex, you only think of pleasure, rather than anything else. And then a child pops up. And with the stereotyped Teen parents, that would be one big regret. I’m not saying the child is the regret, but more over, they are too unprepared for being parents. If they had a child that casually, imagine what their future would be like. 

On another note…Project LaTale. goal : one level 20 of each job/weapon branch, magic exceptional, but all elements picked. I don’t know why, but it’s just something to do. A useless goal. It’s much harder, since I’m trying some things out. Like leveling my friend from 45 to 60 -.-;. . . and I’d have to get my knight sped up. A club knight into a knuckle guardian…although being attached to a club is fun..there’s always the option of..REDOING..it…or going towards templar…Oh god, it’s begun..I NEEDALIFE.

Back in the days

Back in the days, we had 3D games with cheapy graphics that were great. We had the ultimate 2D life. We were able to always look up to people. Being spoiled made us brats. There were a lot of things that kids weren’t able to learn instantly. We enjoyed a simple level of grade school. We were able to live an average kid life. Riding your first bike. A nice christmas. Learning to use roller-skates. Trick-or-Treating. Nothing mattered since life was great. We had neighbors that were actual neighbors, and the best of friends. We enjoyed even the smallest of family events. Everything was great. Money never mattered. We also wanted to wake up early on Saturdays for the simplicity of new cartoon episodes. Hell, we came  home to those episodes as well. Even stupid things were excused because you were a kid. You’d love new things. You’d enjoy pets if you haven’t really grown up with one. You’d live a peaceful nonchillant life. Bonds between family were strong. There would actually be love.

Now, in these days. Children grow up in blunt stupidity. They may not know better, but the people raising them should know better. Everything gaming relates to graphics and gameplay. Money makes everything. Everything’s about sex, porn, cars, and everything unrelated. Spoiling a kid no longer matters, as there are a lot of brats without every material posession they call for. It’s all about the internet, it’s all about being tough behind a computer screen. Because no one would guide anyone, teens would lash out and say that people are ruining their lives. It’s true to an extent, depending on their situation.

To think that almost 12 years has passed since then. What the hell happened to make things like this? A ‘great depression’ was bound to happen, because everything in these days cause depression.

I used to be a teen who said things stupidy. I was immature, I had no knowledge. I caused trouble for people simply because I didn’t want to go to school. I ruined my own life in some instances. I think I can be at peace for some time now. Typing all this and having the chance to recall my memories. People forget things, but they also remember things. People forget what they remember, and remember what they forget. So long as you have the memory, or can feel whatever is left of it, you can embrace it. I never expected to type this, or anything as corny. . . The past, huh?

There is no future because we are always in the present that has a past. If you know your future, it won’t be your future because you know of it. If it’s a bad thing, it will become your future because of the actions that were for/against that future. It’s kind of like the world of today.

Now to get lost in the insomnian sea of thoughts. “I’m not a kid anymore”, right?

Yawn

English exam done, took longer than I thought. Start – around 11:14AM, end : around 1:57

Now for math tomorrow. Insomnia plagues me for 1+ hours, “Let me sleep, damn it!”..

Natsume Yuujinchou makes me want to have the ability to see youkai and ayakashi. As if it were possible.

Thoughts come at the worst times possible. If I study early, I’ll forget. If I study late, a simple thought can delete any traces of math. Thrown in an allergy. I know I have passed the english part, it was kinda on the easy side.

Still so tired. Maybe I can sleep early.

Another emo post

I barely left MapleStory, yet it still bugs the hell out of me. It really makes me hate people. “Who needs people? I’m fine on my own.” <– basic thoughts.

I mean, I spent roughly 2 or so years on it. It would be 3 but I remember leaving for some time. The thing is, I recall all the times I’ve had, and I pretty much had my “teen phase” with it. It really ruined me, and I wasn’t really a rational thinker until some time ago. Feigning illnesses, slight kinks of depression, pretty much antisocial. Pretty much like a hikikomori.  The thing is, I wanted to spend some time with those guys. Then drama happened because one of them was being an idiot. That made me leave for some time, and I don’t know how or why I came back. I guess it ticks me off that I didn’t even get a “Thanks” for the time spent. I’ve grinded my ass off just for some guys, and not even a thanks?

Hell, everything started off on a lie. You know those male playing female things? That was basically it. Deceptive double-lifing. It would be an “I don’t care what gender you are, you are you” type of thing, but I played because I was needed. I had a yearning to be needed by seemingly good people. As a naive kid, I enjoyed playing. I enjoyed flunking out. I enjoyed spending useless time in a virtual world that was already corrupted. The thing is, those people pretty haven’t actually contacted me out-of-game for some time, not very long, but long enough to let my thoughts straighten up and pull a grudge on them.

Basically, there was a tight-knit group of “friends”, about 5 to 10 people roughly. They had no decent-leveled spearman for Hyper Body. Since I was stupid, I made one to give them a helping hand. When the drama occured, I was roughly 74. What happened was, one person seemed to have an issue with the other person. Like jealousy around girls. “Andrew” and “Mike”. Andrew was also known as Andrea, the persona. Basically Mike was being a retard who decided to tell me and “Jeff’ about Andrew being Andrea. I wasn’t furious, I was just holding in my rage. We decided to pretty much leave the guild that Andrew/ea led.

Now, Mike and Andrew are/were related to my “brother”. However, Andrew made it a giveaway and supported what Mike said, since he lashed out on both Andrew and Andrea. I remember that we were called “immature”. I already believed the truth from that point when Mike said it bluntly. My “brother” had already used me for money. He would always make false hope out of the things I wanted. To this day, I no longer want anything, unless I get it myself.

Basically, Andrew let his persona go too far, and now everything’s structured on one simple lie. Mike eventually quit, and a few others were left behind. Now what ticks me off is that no one really cared when I was quitting.

Personally, I wouldn’t be like “oh” or “okay”. Seriously, who the hell would say that to a person you’re no longer going to talk to? How about a thanks for the hell I put myself through, rupturing my reality? Heck, with some simple caring, I probably would have stayed. I probably would have regretted staying though.

I know I would play for a bit if that lie was sorted out, but it’ll never happen. Meddling in another being’s affair regardless of story or whatnot will never get you anywhere. If anything, you’d become a target caught in the crossfire. However, I do like to defend people from random flaming on forums and random bbs’.

I still can’t forget everything. I don’t want to have anything to do with them, but every time my thoughts relapse and returns to ‘them’, it makes me furious.

It makes me hate life. Why do kids have to be so naive? Building up experience is nice and all, but throwing your life away isn’t going to be of any help. It just makes me want to go “Grrrrrrrrrrrrr……”. If only I was bored enough to leave earlier. Damn, damn, damn. Grrrrrrr…

Another bad-sleep night

You bet! . . .

I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to sleep any earlier, even if I get exhausted. Something seems to perk me up and keep me awake/aware for some time.

I should be asleep by now. Getting my thoughts out in that last post really helped. Now that I think about it, telling other people or simply using a journal or something to release your thoughts help. In a sense, it gets a load off your chest. Although, mostly everything dealt with these days are related to the past. It makes me wonder, really. The things that happen in life, the lessons that should be learned. Etc, etc.

It’s just that the average teen is slowly becoming..simply put…stupid. Sex, gangs, money, where has the youth gone? The energetic teens that used to hang out everywhere are now intercoursing things up. Not to mention being illiterate when it comes to slang and gang-related things. Simply put, gangs seem to want to be cool. They want to be tough. These average neighborhood gangs are nothing compared to the mafia. Do they even understand anything? Hell, people have already stooped low enough to steal christmas ornaments.

Internet reflects reality. People who say PLZ and people who say please. PLZ is meaningless and is only 3 letters. Please adds courtesy and makes people want to help you.  -sigh- I even recall these teens playing with fireworks that pretty much could have lit my frontyard on fire if they were stpid enough. 4th of July isn’t so festive nowadays.

It brings me back to the subject with Teens. The reason they become emo and lash out is because they can’t think properly. “Leave me alone!” “I just want to be alone!” “Shut up and go away!” I just don’t want to go to school!” Like all people, they do need their alone time, too. However, when there’s no guidance around, it affects them even more.

Why else do you think people commit suicide? They can’t think beyond their grasp. They may be ending “it all’” for themselves, but they can’t logically think enough to see how much it’ll affect the people around them. “They don’t care about me!” ” I can’t live without him!” and the like. If a loved one dies, they would want you to live on. If they didn’t care about you, they wouldn’t have bought you some of the things you wanted. Think about the people in abusive relationships. Domestic violence, if you will.

Now, the dealy with the whole counselors and whatnot, it relates to this because the “advice” and things they told me didn’t help at all. I finally realized it years later. Their words didn’t help, but I finally started processing things more logically. I also overheard something during the depression stage, in which I apparently had something wrong with my head/brain. Gee, I’m not surprised.

Ah crap, typed too much.

Runes of Magic, officially released?!

It’s been in open beta since December 15 apparently. I found it funny that it included a fully functional cash shop that. I kind of thought it was already in official release.

http://www.runesofmagic.com

Overall, it’s a good game, similar to the World of Warcraft. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you do get a lot of idiotic “WoW clone” comments. Although, the positive WoW clone Pros & Cons type of comments are pretty nice. The dual job system is kind of a drag at points, but works quite well if you have the right combo. Guess making a tutorial and display video for MMORPGs should be a new pasttime.

Still, official release feels weird since all that time spent was in the OB stage. It’s not anywhere near bad, it’s just akward if you think about it.

Another late night post

Hm.. 4AM doesn’t seem like a late night.

Lett-uce be casual today.  Well, that was stupid.

Banana-nut muffins, baguette sandwiches, and the like. My dad wants me to make a Chicken Alfredo Pasta dish. Must go recipe hunting. What a pain.

Come to think of it, I haven’t helped in the kitchen for some time.

So much procrastination going on around.

To do list -

• Do some actual homework.
• Continue with RPGMaker XP/2003. [Lazy as hell.]
• Create Tales of series based Ragnarok Online private server. [I doubt this.] “Tales of Ragnarok”, with 10% more Majinkens.
• Make a sketch in 2009 [Almost in progress.]
• Cook something
• Get in some sort of shape that is better than current self.
• Attempt to get hands on an axe. Set up tree for swordplaying for current times.
• Fill Video Game Official SoundTrack collection. Including the full whole Rockman / Megaman series. Basically, “perfect audio collection” minus a few tracks and such. Die harddrive, DIE!!!
• Finish school by next year to ‘catch’ up to people. Additional bonus for bragging rights.
• Play NeoSteam. Seriously. Speed it up, Atlus!
• Become more casual. [Really now. MMOing this much is starting to affect everything.]
• Straighten out slight/minor speech impairment. [It's kind of annoying.]
• Did I forget anything? Oh wait a minute…
• Focus on things on To Do list to not forget what to do.
• Get sleep. It’s 4:16AM now.

Themes, themes, themes!!

Well, the new theme seems to work out nicely. But, it’s already 5:26. I seriously should be getting some shut eye now.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

It’s kind of weird how someone can piss you off one second, and things become better a second later. I don’t think a lot of people think when typing or talking. Sometimes you just say that one thing that can really change things. That one little spark can start a wild fire that occasionally burns through friendships.

The second concern is, well, trust. There was this person I once knew via LaTale, and well. . . He couldn’t keep many things to himself. It was between me and him. He decided to pester me with questions when I was frustrated that day, and those questions were of the “captain obvious” brand. He decided to tell another person that was linked in the ‘friendship’, and he decided to tell the other friend about what happened. What annoyed me was that the other friend threw himself into the matters.

First thing’s first, don’t bring other people into it. What happened was between two people, not three. Secondly, the involvement was completely uncalled for. Person B decided to..hm..lecture? me about things like how I shouldn’t have called Person A a retard. It’s pretty frustrating when they try to lecture you on the day of that event where you’re still frustrated.

In the end, Person A was no longer contacted. That is one thing that will be left as is. A few contradictory statements, confused wording, and the like. Only a little can be handed at a time, not a lot at once. A little bit of trust with people, that’s all that will be given these days. It’s funny, because even if you trust someone, they may keep the fact that they don’t trust you to themselves.

People, age, huh?

People and age. Does age really matter that much? It’s odd when people decide to poke and prod at their age. I have my own saying. It was pretty much Person B’s birthday yesterday. He said something about being old and whatnot. By the way, he’s only 17(n0w).

“Age is of the body, not of the mind.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.

Sure, your mind can be affected by age(forgetting many things, etc) but what does that mean? When your body is 60, that doesn’t mean your IQ will be 60. You could be as smart as you always were. Now that’s not to say that old people are stupid. Nowhere near, infact. Old age was once a sign of wisdom. Wisdom that need be passed down from generation to generation. From child to child.

I may be 16, but I enjoy feeling old. Note, “feel”.

If thou needeth wisdom, thou must seek out the mighty. The mighty bears the burden of bodily age, and the burden of wisdom. For if their life ends, that knowledge will be lost. Thusly, thou must obtain the thoughts of the wise.

Interrupted sleep…again..

So far, this day sucks. 5 hours of sleep isn’t so bad, but when you wake up because of people, it really just frustrates.

And at the moment, the idiot is bitching about laundry and someone not taking care of theirs. For someone who continues to beg for money, what kind of rights do you have? -_-.

He also decided to watch something really loud, and with the distance between monitor and seating arrangements, it’s very unnecessary.

Then, sound waves from another room/person..it was like a hangover, those everyday things started giving headaches. Loud music in the morning isn’t something someone should need to hear.

A spider also randomly appeared. Killed it. Can’t sleep anymore. If I did sleep..would that thing be digested by now? -shivers- I was once told that the average person eats up 6 to 7 spiders in a life time while sleeping.

It’s also cold, and was rainy in the morning.

And now, a bag of Carls Jr. appears. For some reason I started to feel really hungry after waking up. It was annoying because, sleep is more important at these times. It lets you forget about your surroundings.

I wonder how bad things will get. Let’s see what happens by the end of the day . . .

A handful of stress

Starts with some people visiting and living for a month or so. Room is now shared.

Two days of interrupted sleep again. Things are noisy, headaches are everywhere.

The idiot threw a tantrum today. If only he moved out. Maybe I wouldn’t need to share a room.

‘Friend’ left guild in LaTale, said something about wanting/needing a small HP bonus. Kind of annoying considering his reason for leaving is STATS.

Ah, what should I care? Stopped considering the people I knew as friends some time ago.

Slightly stressed, very annoyed. Headaches are abundant. This will be hell for some time . . .

. . . ?

Before going to sleep, I figured I’d think about something to write here.

It’s about a job. I’m not sure what to do after school, and if I slow down, I get time to think. The problem is, I don’t know if I should slow down or speed up. I get to think longer, but, obviously, school will take longer. If I speed up, I’ll be done and done. It’d be the end and then time for college.

Art, I’m not sure. Videe game-wise, I don’t think I can do well. Cooking, maybe. There are quite a few things.

Right now, joining the army and being a police officer seems to cross my mind. I’m not sure why.

Already

It appears that the Guests are already leaving. I also didn’t know it was a Thursday, which made the regular school appointment a missed day. Oh well, I wasn’t able to get anything done.

However, ‘he’ is still getting on my nerves. The moment my mind’s guard is let down, he does something to stir my rage. A simple door slam would have a great influence.

And aside from that, an extra on the LaTale adventures. Apparently, spending some dough helped get a few guild members. Guess this makes up for being ditched for stats.

What else…burning a Tetsuwan Birdy Decode 1-13 DVD, it’ll probably be for archiving’s sake. Next up, Natsume Yuujinchou’s 1-13 dvd.

The END?! – Anime

I just want to say that, quite a handful of animes have ended in the past two weeks. Really dissapointing =(.

Natsume Yuujinchou was great. Clannad was nice. Asu no Yoichi was funny. Akikan was entertaining. The Tower of Druaga was nice until it also ended. Etc. Oh and Tales of the Abyss hit an end too.

T-T I liked Natsume Yuujinchou the best because of Nyanko sensei.

Here’s to hoping for extended stories, OVAs, sequels, and extra seasons.  Good anime should never have to suffer a short life span.

Then again, there’s manga, but that doesn’t compare =/. Voice acting includes emotion, drama, humor. It’s something you can really feel.

Atlus Online & NeoSteam

The Atlus Online forums are probably one of the few forums that I usually check up on daily/weekly. I guess the thing is, it’s related to Atlus, and there are just so many games I love from them. Well, that and they’re hosting one of the few mmos that I really enjoy/ed.  It’s great to not need to be a human.

The only gripes about it is, all the noobs. Questioning grind and the like is natural, but still. They should find out on their own. It keeps the game fresh. “Oh i’ll be a pro in no time.” <- Don’t give people the wrong idea!

I mean, in LaTale, it’s possible to hit nearly 60 in a small time frame, but that’s only if you play it from the moment you wake up, and constantly quest/grind. Not everyone’s the same. You can brag about your leveling speed, but others can either easily surpass it, or not give a damn.

I wonder how many people will try and like NeoSteam. It seems fairly easy to level in[ha, this came from experience from the Korean version.] which makes it seem more playable, in a sense. Summer time will be a blast.

[Ah, crap, I procrastinated and didn't do any homework for the past 2-3 weeks!]

April 1st!

Finally, a new month. About time. And to boot, the day for fools and fooling.

Well, that and there’s the conficker deal going on. I wonder what the point is. I mean, after stealing money from bank accounts, someone who uses that money will be bound to be caught, simply due to the fact that a lot of money is missing, and that, well, it’ll be obviously suspicious.

It takes some common sense to stop the conficker user. I mean, if they buy things, you can do a few things to track it down. It’s like a genius gone wrong. If anyone has played Rouge Galaxy, it’s kind of like Jupis’ story. Except this guy’s hiding. Ironically, that’s all the guy can do. Hide and steal accounts. Aside from the stopping sites bit.

It’s as bad as Christmas when people were stealing ornaments. For cryin’ out loud, what the hell would you do with ornaments?

Well, as long as you keep your computer updated, all will go well. But, to be safe, get a scan, use a condo– I mean…use precautions.

Hm…I seem to be actually getting views, I’m shocked. Hats off to you, and my thanks are given, too.

Companies and MMO Games!

Let’s take a look back on bad MMO publishers!

So far, Nexon America has been centered off as one of the worst. There’s no way you can defend it, unless you’ve actually experienced it. Nexon America failed miserably, but due to MapleStory and Mabinogi, they can survive.

Then there’s SubaGames. I heard their customer service sucks. I was trying out Metin 2, had some fun. The problem was ksers, and there wasn’t much I could actually do against that. Why do level 30′s ks level 10′s?

Right now I’m focused on OGP. They’re actually improving though. Just how much will they improve? I have no issues with the customer services, but others have been banned and seemed to need those issues resolved. They do have pretty active GMs too. I THINK.

There’s OutSpark, which isn’t so bad. The only comment I have is, while there’s a gold spammer in Fiesta, the GMs should atleast have the courtesy to shut them up with a ban to chat. I mean, he was right there spamming infront of a small group of people near the GM. Who cares if it wasn’t your job? Atleast give yourself some type of image of being an actual GM. Game Masters, Game Moderators, it doesn’t matter.

Gravity, not much to comment on. The people in Requiem Online seem nice. Ragnarok Online’s free server has a major flaw. You can multiclient in it, as well as everything is crapped up for free players. I don’t even know how to get to these places as noob. Job advancing should be made possible for low levels -_-.

Aeria Games – they have issues. They are very money-microtransaction related. Events include cash shop stuff. Seriously, do something real for once.

Perfect World – The company’s not bad. I’m glad that PWI was launched. The only problem is, I’m too lazy to play it now.

PlayNC – the Dungeon Runners team seems good. Though the game barely sees any updates. I guess it’s “finished” and they’ll include things over time.

Frogster – The Runes of Magic hoster. RoM is great. It’s on the grind side, but overall, it’s nice. Really. I haven’t seen much issues, and like PWI, I’ve barely touched it.

NDoors – Atlantica Online, great. They often have Dev/GM battles that players can participate in. No gripes there, it shows that they care.

Ntreev – They give free cash shop stuff/points over time in events. Not much complaints there. Trickster needs more random GM activity, as I’ve only seen a GM once or twice since Closed Beta. . . plus the GMs are very active on Grand Chase. What the hell, much?

Ijji – It’s a bit bad, it’s got some good, but they lack things. Gunz usually has hackers in it, as well.

GameNGame – they’re not really there. They only put a basic english UI on games, and then sell it off to some other company.

There are much more, but these seem to have the most popular things.

PlayStation 2 -$30 = $100

The PS2 has been price dropped to $99.99. That’s good news, since the multitap I have only works for the black slim models -_- if I knew that I would’ve avoided the silver one. I probably will try to pick a new one up once I eventually get the dough. Well, 2 PS2′s won’t hurt, plus all I need is to do a small modification to get my swap magic to work. OSH- pirating! Pirater?! Meh, unless you can dish out that kind of money for imports, don’t judge.

Still, I wish the Xbox 360 would drop. Tales of Vesperia is still so tempting. Oh well, it’ll never happen. NEVER.

On the plus side, PS2′s still doing great. NIS America still has to give some goods. They must!

Ah, oh well, I still have a lot of RPGs to play.

Forumers – gear grinding

What really grinds my gears . . .

When forum users tell new users/idiots to use the search function without actually contributing to that post. You’re no better than the thread starter. “something something blah blah blah, next time use the SEARCH function. -_-;”

I mean, how hard is it to do that? Not very.

Whoops

So, hatred has finally done something self destructive. I forgot about my laundry in the washer, and dried it, so everything smells funny. I was lucky enough to get 1 set of usable clothing that didn’t smell as bad. The shirt smells a little, but whatever.

Now I have to wash everything again. The moral of the day : even if you hate someone, you should at least get your laundry done!

On another note, I really feel like a dog now. I even sniffed through everything to find the right pair of clothes. -shivers- I’m never forgetting again. Now if I could only bark without looking like a nutjob.

sleepless

Roughly 50 minutes of sleep. Or was it sleep? An unconscious body but a conscious mind.

Well, it was 4:??AM when I tried. I ‘woke up’ at 5:0?, and it’s now 6:21.

What a pain in the ass. I guess this is what insomnia is. Stupid brain needs to stop thinking…

Now what do I do…?

One thing after another?

Well, yesterday was basically one thing after another. What a pain it was.

Also heard some more theft, and car accident news on TV. It appears that thieves really are getting stupid-er with each passing crime. Back in the old days, we used to have great crimes. Now they’re plain, overdone, and some are even for the littlest of items. What will happen to the world at this rate?

Still mass LaTaling. Nearing that second job. Although I spent all my Ely on skill resetting, a pain. Must plan on things.

Other than that, nothing interested has happened. Fears of stupidity happening. Some sort of studies also on the news on tv. Something about some part of your brain that dissapears as you mature or something. In that case…the future is very bleak.

Idiots, again.

You never know when an idiot will appear. The worst thing is when they have a half decent conversation/argument/debate. The issue eventually goes from something interesting to some flame war based on nothingness.

I’ll honestly say that I’m being cocky and that I’m right. It was a specific case of Success Rates in a game. The thing is, let’s say, 95% chance of working. If you fail 10 times in a row, that just means you have bad luck. No complaints. The item’s gone if it fails, either way.

The thing is, the person I was disputing with said that it’s impossible. Disregarding how many times that I stated that there’s always that 5% possibility. There are also things like, a “1/1,000,000″ chance. It means that the possibility has occurred. Just because it’s a computer doesn’t mean programmers can’t come up with proper % formulas.

Although that person was 21, he doesn’t really seem 21. More like 12. Real mature, eh? Whatever.

There was also the ‘Nexon America MapleStory Global kids stealing money for nx from their parents’ thing. While I said it was a stereotype, he said it wasn’t. If it wasn’t a stereotype, then show me proof that EVERY child who plays MapleStory Global steals money for Nexon Cash. Jeez…just because things don’t go your way doesn’t mean it’s bugged, glitched, or whatever dumbass excuse you can create. Get used to it.

Stuff, stuff, stuff.

Alrighty, thursday’s appointment was missed, since there was no ride. I didn’t feel like walking since I couldn’t sleep, and was exhausted. My mom thought about calling her friend, but I don’t want to be of any trouble. Plus, now I can get organized and turn in more stuff after spring break.

From the looks of it, spring break will last a week. Not enough procrastination time. I’ll also be entering the Atlus Online logo contest, using a handdrawn artwork with my sketch book. The general layout would be the Atlus title, with Online, and some Atlus rpg characters. I’m going to put my full effort in next week, and win the thing!

I’ve finally made it to 80 in LaTale. 81, actually. It was a pain, and now it’s all over.

I’ve been thinking about a bunch of things, and I’ve found something. I think I’m becoming more immature and more childish. I wonder if I can stop it. That and multi-thoughting is annoying. Kind of like, focusing on equipment, killing, skill builds, and strategies at once. Stupid brain.

Also, there has been some drama where a person threw a hissy fit over LaTale, and he’s one I mentioned some time ago. It all starts when he says he asked for help. The thing is, He asks at the worst times possible. It’s funny, because, when me and someone else decides to help him, he gets mad.

We were heading towards the instance. I went ahead because I was helping another person with a monster that’s like a guard of the instance. He needed to kill a total of 10.

The other person got mad because he wanted EXP that was equivalent to one of his normal training monster kills. He kept repeating “so, i don’t care” “like i said, i don’t care”. It’s ironic since he only sat there, leeching. So the three of us went in. We had to go in because he was getting impatient, so the kill count was left at 6/10. Now, we rushed to the Tengu, where he wanted to get a pot[quest item]. The pot went to the other person, and he got mad and left. Now, the flaw is, I set the looting on random, he barely attacked, and he also wanted to kill the boss. Let’s face it. 3 people have the same quest, so something’s bound to go wrong. That, and the boss will take some time to kill, since it’s a slight waste of supplies.

Now, here’s my point. Be f’ing grateful that people wasted their time to help you. I was given some alotted time from another person to reach 80 so we could advance together. But, I was sidetracked with all this. For someone who’s always doing homework, there sure are a lot of demands.

I don’t get it. I know him in real life. But, still. It’s just a fucking quest item. That’s my gripe. I also decided to check on my other character, which was in the same guild as he was. He said he was probably going to quit because people pissed him off. What the hell, man. You’re the one pissing people off.

It was similar to the time where four of us went to some Crabs. He was a terrible healer, he healed too much and complained about SP. The thing is, when I died once or thrice, he went “lol”. Ironically, when he died a few times, he said that no one cared. Let’s face it, you’re 54 at a place meant for 60′s. Also, the more we type, the more fatal it is. Also, why the hell would I care, if you’re the one who laughed at me? Karma.

There was the time where he asked for help, but I wasn’t sure since I don’t remember what I was doing, but I don’t remember him asking for help. Bad timing. And he never asked when a new person appeared in the group.

All in all, I think I can honestly say that I no longer have friends. I’m starting to get sick of people. I think I’m starting to become a hikikomori.

Getting mad when people do what you want, and getting mad when people don’t do what you want. Real mature.

Life will never go the way you want it to go. The only thing you can do about it is change the direction and path. Guide it towards the way you want it to go. Even if you guide it, that doesn’t mean you will guide it in the right direction.

-sigh- I was looking forward to helping him. Now, I don’t even care. I still remember that day in the Anime Expo of ’08, where he said he’ll be a little bitch to me. In which I responded that I don’t care, and to go ahead.

Now, I’ll be that bitch. I won’t care what the hell happens to him. It may be overly dramatic, but actions online often reflect your being in reality. Whether you’re changing, or growing up, you can think the other way and deny it, but that won’t make it dissapear. I often play the role of being used by people, actually. Perhaps I was just being used to help, even if I offered it myself.

It just drives me crazy. Stop denying the things other say, and don’t be passive about it. “because you always ask at the worst times possible” “so?” It’s just… It’s not impossible to do some things alone. It takes time, but still.

+Post

I should be getting some sleep soon. . . getting tired of everything.

A parent who constantly asks about food/homework/school, includes a brother, as well as a “brother” that I hate.

Friends who are no longer friends, simple idiots everywhere, stupidity in general.

This is humanity for the moment. I’m simply a naive kid still. Humans…

I’d do anything to not be one.

However, even if I give up on trying/bothering with everything, not much will change. Am I supposed to continue? In the reality that belongs to this body, this being, and this mind, one thing is always linked to another. A coincidence is more like something that’s bound. Perhaps he’ll apologize, perhaps he’ll die, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. It’s guaranteed that something will occur that is linked to another thing. A thing of the past, leads to a thing of the future, or a thing of the present.

Still. . . What am I to do? What’s my focus? I don’t even know what I *want* to become. Still hopeless. Yet, I can still think clearly. The side of me that is positive gives things to think about that I might be able to look forward to. More than one side to a person, huh? The more I think, the more I dwell on a subject. What will happen, what can be done, who can help, who’s there for me, etc, etc.

At this rate, I can only support myself. Only I can do things. . . I’m there for myself. I don’t have a reason to exist, but I no longer need one. If I exist, then I simply exist. If I’m supporting myself, I have to look at both sides. I have to accept negativity in positive situations, and vice versa.

Huh, I’m starting to feel better. My mind is less cloudy, and I think I stopped caring about a few things.

Guess being alone is perfect for me. Temporary people..comrades, allies, the like. They’re probably all I need. Being alone and isolated has turned me into this . . . I can’t lie to myself.

This is who I am, and I shall proudly stand by my words.

Endless thoughts

I pretty much slept monday away, 12 hours of it. I’ve gained some new thoughts recently.

One of them is centered on humanity, and it being plain. It’d be nice to sacrifice my existence to become something else. It would be nice, but it won’t happen. It’s just that, there’s not much difference between people.

It’s not that I hate being a human, [even though I do], it’s that, in this world, there’s not much left to do in life. It’s really just all the same things. Wars, terrorists, religion, politics, technology, computers, trainers, there’s not much to choose from.

Life is an MMORPG. It has a lot, but, at the same time, little to offer. When we die, it’s like “quitting”. Every day is 1 Experience Point. When we gain enough EXP, our ‘level’ goes up.

It’s the same old repetitive things until you’re dead. I like to think about fantasy worlds. Sure, it’ll become the same repetitive life, but, in this reality, we’re all humans. One planet of life[currently(?)], simple means towards death, it just feels plain. Slit your wrist, slit your throat, drown, headshot, stab in the back of the head, blood loss, the like.

I may be typing up mindless things, but, I still have to accept this reality. I’m a human, through and through.

I wonder if virtual reality will change things? Wear a suit, play in the RPG settings, feel pain, feel the weight of every new armor piece, etc.

Although, lately I’ve been low on energy, and right now I feel like crap. Now that I think about it, there was this time where the doctor needed to draw some blood for a blood test, but my right arm didn’t give enough. So they had to switch arms. Am I low on blood? That would be explanitory.. Cuts, scrapes, scars.. But, it seems odd. I really doubt that to be the reason. I don’t know anymore. I remember having energy, that or an adrenaline rush some time ago. Being lazy doesn’t affect it, because, even lazy people can be energetic.

Well, back to hating life and living in my cave.

More outlooks

The more I think about the thing in the previous post, the more I keep wanting something new.

Little by little, my mind strays from those thoughts to hoping for some type of change. From wishing to be less human, to wishing to fade away and appear in a new world without any memories. I don’t know why. It kind of gives me a slightly more positive outlook on things. It’s not possible, but it’ll keep my mind running. Wonder if this is either a phase, or simply my delusive self.

Since everything above’s bound to not happen, it makes me wonder what could happen to change things. I’d like the ability to see things like Youkai, things like that. Supernatural stuff. I don’t care what it is..I just want something exciting. Something that makes me, me. It’s like one of those self-discovery things.

I’m not sure about anything anymore. I’m bored beyond bored, and my thoughts are all about dissapearing from this world. It’s not a suicide thing, it’s just that, humans are boring creatures.

Now that I think about it, I don’t even have a best friend. That would be nice. Kind of like pokemon mystery dungeon. Dissapear from one world, fall into another, and choose not to leave after saving the world. “That’s what friends are for!”

“Maybe if I sell my soul?”

Still tired

Lots of sleeping, hurts. Aches and pains.

Speaking of tired, games these days need to stop being easy. I can understand if the developers planned it as normal, but still. Look at Ar Tonelico, for example. There’s no difficulty. Same with Atelier Iris 2, if you do it right, Gray can never die. What other games are easy . . . Right now I’m going through FF4 Advance, and that’s easy as heck.

This is probably the reason why I like Rouge Galaxy so much. The right amount of difficulty. It’s not exactly 100% hard, but it’s nowhere near easy. Although, cocky players will simply say it’s an easy game. Here’s a challenge, default everything, gain no skills, optional costume possible, and…. I don’t think it’s possible to do no items. It would be pretty hard, that is if you get hit. Default weapons become crap after 30 to 60 minutes in to the game. Etc.

What else, starting over in LaTale, probably. New XTrap revision in the ‘manual patch’ version kicks ass, now it doesn’t block my internet connections to web browsers.

Still haven’t got to the Atlus Online contest drawing, and the time is near, it’ll end soon. Top 3 get Beta Access to NeoSteam. Guaranteed entrance to that? I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING . . .

It’s oddly extremely cold. Weather kind of doesn’t help when you’re randomly aching and sore.

Other than that, there’s not much to do these days. Well, it’s just boring.

Tunes of nostalgia

The main thing I like about music. It brings in emotions. From upbeat exciting tunes to relaxing peaceful tunes.

It’s strange, the effects of music. I can’t help but think about my memories.

Aside that, this one bgm is helping  my thoughts as well. I guess to cope with the sudden hatred from the previous posts, I think my mind is creating an alternate world, ‘my own’ world. [You know, things that your imagination creates.]

For some reason, I think about it every time before I go to sleep. It’s odd.

I think Pokemon Mystery Dungeon [Red Rescue Team] renewed my love for Pokemon, as well as brought up some of these thoughts. I can’t help but think of the ending of the story. It’s kind of like . . .

“This is good-bye…” “…?” “I have to return to my own world. . .”, etc. But, while returning… “. . .” “I don’t want to go yet . . .” “A friend. . .” “My best friend. . . for life . . .” “I can’t leave everyone behind like this . . .”

It’s not exactly what everything was said, but that’s the gist of it. “If you wish hard enough, you will surely meet again.”

I like the story’s end quite a lot. True friends never abandon eachother, no matter what happens. That’s probably what I like most about it. The moral of the game, friendship.

Well, might as well prepare for sleep. That and think more on the world that came from my imaginations.

That, and I’m hoping to get a more ‘complete’ version of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red/Blue’s OST. Or ST. Hope one of the guys at the EP forums has it, or maybe I can make with what I have. It’s not all that bad, I still get my favorite tunes.

A barrage of memories.

Extra thoughts…memories…the like. I recall..my Sega Genesis games being given away. . . my “brother” gave it to his “friend”. I remember begging for Sonic 3 . . . and the time I was given a spare copy of Sonic the Hedgehog . . . lost memories. We actually had quite a collection . . . I also remember my Sonic 3′s save thing dieing out on me. No more saves, it ended up like Sonic 2. Rush through, or never finish. The main thing I liked about it was, it called out for exploration for hidden rings.

-sigh- Why is it that these things are always related to him? There’s so much that’s been lost. I think I like games because of the memories they brought. Kind of like bringing out the good in people. Some people, that is. . .

Although, I was stuck with that shared Genesis, and a NES for some time. A borrowed SNES appeared occasionally. Ah the SNES, I remember going across the street in one of our houses. We stayed there pretty late playing Mario Kart. “We”? . . . I can’t remember . . .

Eventually, a buddy of sorts gave me one of his spare GameBoy Colors. I was surprised. Then again, he was 6 and I was…around 10. It was fun, in that other house. We had a pool. I think we might’ve had two. How did the other one appear . . .? I also remember asking my mom to buy a link cable, since we had two or three pokemon carts. Then there was that time my “brother” got a gameshark from his friend. I accidentally deleted all the cheats, and lied about it.

Then there was the Christmas where we recieved a Sega Dreamcast. My god, that has to be the best system ever. So much time spent playing Sonic Adventure, alone. Not to mention Sonic Shuffle. That was amazingly fun. Our disc eventually stopped working.

I still remember our first dog, too. As a kid, getting bitten hurt. Eventually he was taken away. I still remember when my mom said the cops came and took him away. And the countless goldfishes, I remember killing them with soap since no one taught me anything. And then I remember the time I changed the water for the fishes. Being young with the sense of responsibility. Ah, youth . . .

And then there was cricket catching, it was a random idea that was sparked with ‘him’. It was fun. In a weird way.

Not to mention the first time we got YuGiOh cards. We got them when they were released…the prices dropped dramatically later on, but I didn’t care, even though everyone did. Two starter decks, we could duel that way.

I remember entertaining my brothers by digging through my mom’s stuff. Not exactly dress up, but more like imitation, where you act like them. That was pretty funny.

Then there’s school, and teachers. Third grade was the best. Minus the surgery. Something to do with the testicles, yet I can’t remember what it was called. I should look it up. I enjoyed 1st grade, too. Kindergarten. 2nd grade.. jeez.

I enjoyed K, 1, 2, 3, 4 somewhat, early 5, and not so much 6. 7 wasn’t all great. I got to meet some new people, though. 8 sucked. 8-2 sucked even more. 9. . . I procrastinated too much, so some stuff from 9 is carrying into 10. And now.. 10 . . . if I work hard enough…I can manage to graduate at the time as others . . . ah..a time where this one friend called me a drop out . . . that’s something I can’t really let go, even though she probably doesn’t know/remember it. If I do work hard, I could brag, but I have less career decision time. Not sure what to do . . .

What else . . . getting a GameCube . . . the ‘System Hell’. . . . . . .

I guess I can remember 80% of the things from K-10/now. My teachers as well. I’m starting to remember more and more. Maybe I can pinpoint some things… like where the brothers started drifting away from eachother. We used to do so much together. Now that’s minimal. I’m usually found isolating myself in my room, and avoid ‘fun’. I don’t really know anyone, nor do I know them well enough to want to be around them.

I guess… I never really recieved guidance from anyone. I had to learn on my own, and from my mistakes. I didn’t have many friends, but since we moved, and occasionally they moved, we would lose contact, and that’d be it. I did so many stupid things. . . and no one taught me about it . . . I could have burned the house down, at one point. The “playing with fire” thing arrived a little late. I don’t remember hearing much of it from school either.

There’s so much more I can go on about . . .

Ironically, I’ve been listening to the same bgm over and over. It really seems to amplify my mind. In a sense, it helps remember things. If I were on taught better when I was younger . . . I tend to realize things a little late . . . some things could’ve helped, drastically. I wonder if I’m still ‘stupid’, or if I’m just a normal person? I don’t want to be called smart, it feels odd.

Recalling more and more . . . more than 10 years worth of memories. . . Nothing can make me forget all of this . . . Life is mysterous . .

…

Well, now all that is out of my system, I guess I’ll go into a short slumber once more. Lots of sighs. Lots of things to do. I think I can move a little further in life. Video Games once kept me running, now it’s music. There’s nothing left to want. I simply live. After all, “I’m only human.” Unknown things will always exist, and amongst those things are subjects that people simply can’t believe without seeing proof. Another world, a second reality, everything . . .

It may exist, in many different forms. Nothing’s ever set in stone. Find your own truth, huh. A figment of my imagination aided me in self discovery…amazing. Don’t underestimate yourself, and never look down on the true potential of the human mind. Rather, a mind in general. Animals are also a part of things.

A new view on life, again? This time, I’m positive. I don’t know how long these feelings will last, but all I have to do is find some songs, and carry on. I guess this was the ‘difference’ in humans. Guess I found my own answers. Maybe getting no guidance helped me after all. Relying on myself to pull through things..especially when the going gets tough…hiding behind a computer screen and trying to be cool..no thanks. I may be isolated, but that doesn’t mean I can’t live.

An example of an idiot

An example of a recent event in LaTale. Internet drama, gotta’ love it.

Basically, this one guy who’s in my guild doesn’t understand my points, and basically talks out of his ass.

I decided to start over because being a gunslinger in LaTale is kind of. . . cash wh0re’d. You need both Ely and Astros for simple stuff. Puzzles, Critical Damage 1~10.

The guy, labling him R. He thinks I hate my gunslinger because there are so many, and goes on and on about how he’s 21 playing games, and the like. I never said it wasn’t fun, and I merely made a comment that it was overpopulated. I never said a lot of things. Putting things into my mouth won’t make you look any better.

Now, 21 is the age of his body, but not of his mind. Is it just me, or are people becoming wildly stupid as they grow older and older? 13 year olds in school have declined a bit. 20′s in general have declined. Comprehend, damn it, comprehend. Sure, people can appear smart in school based on their grades, but what does that have to do with anything? I ‘know’ someone who’s a total idiot. No thinking when doing stuff whatsoever. N o n e.

Seriously, though. People need to start thinking for once. Before you say something, think of what’ll happen. Is it wrong? Is it too obvious? What is too obvious? What will happen if I say this instead of that?

Someone’ll get emotional, so you have to watch your words. [Of course, I get emotional, I become aggressive and start pointing out shoddy questions that have an obvious answer.]

I mean, it’s like this, “Are there four ghosts in PacMan?” – > ask this instead, “What are the names of the four ghosts in PacMan?” and then “(oh, there are four, and those are the names, neat.) It’s efficient. However, here’s the flaw regarding specifics, which is something I always nitpick. What kind of PacMan? The original? Question 1 gains validity if it were one of the obscure versions. Question 1 loses validity if it is the Original. It’s not so much annoying, but more over, lame. I know it could be that the question asker is unknowledgable, but that needs to be mentioned before hand. THat makes question 1 regain validity, and question 2 can be asked afterwards.

Blah. Dealing with people is hard.

…

An eye for an eye, an idiot for an idiot.

Two people in particular that I detest and loathe beyond the normal levels of a grudge.

I just have to endure a little longer . . . some how . . .

Only using people. . . and doing badly at it . . .

I can’t take it anymore. Stress that comes from hatred that comes from people. Slowly eating away at my sanity, destroying the part of me that would give a damn. All that will remain will be no more than inhumane thoughts. Vivid with the stench of death, a crimson red fantasy inwhich I long to turn such glorious feelings in to reality.

I have to find some way to cope with things. Who knows, if I were in worse shape and were slightly older, I’d probably have a heart attack. That’s just my level of malice. These feelings shall never change, for the time needed to mend has passed. I can not, and will not accept such a foul existence, whom wields the essence of stupidity dumbfounded oafs.

It leaves me with no other choice, but to accept it for the time being. In that time frame, I must keep my sanity from the verge of bursting into nothingness. To stay merged in the rift that lies inbetween both sanity and insanity. The epicenter. . . also,  my rage. . . must maintain a set level.

I feel the effects of the stress on my body and mind now. Tired, weary from all of this. Perhaps I shall proceed to my bedding and rest.

. . .

Nerves and people. Frustration and people. People. Yesterday went well. Maybe.

There’s this whole “lols?” thing going on. On ‘friend’ 1, he constantly uses it. Even when I bring up a serious matter. It’s ironic because he told me that I can’t handle serious things and the like. It annoys me every time he uses it. LOL is NOT something you always have to use. It’s a commonly used/known acronymn that means laughter. You don’t laugh at everything. /rant.

So far that’s 4 people who has used it. I have a sense of literacy that makes me lash out on illiterates. Only because . . . there’s a limit for each person. Is it that hard? u r lik a noob, plz k thx bai. It’s fun, though. You get to call that person a noob, by correcting them. You are like a noob. kthxbai. That flaw in people of today make it fun to look like some smartass. It’s not a bad thing, not at all.

Similarly, there are those people who try to correct you by trying to shoot your words down. It turns into a debate. Given the facts, there’s a high chance you are correct. With the facts, you probably would have to be. Note – FACTS. They try to act like a smartass knowitall who tries to make you seem like the idiot. Similar to some religious debate. There’s no point in arguing with an athiest. You people should know that by now. And clinging on to ‘God’ won’t get you far in life.

What else…one person after another, one thing after another. I’m really getting sick of people.

Rockman -Rock On- Sound Project

The project is at about a 95% completion rate. Luckily I have hands on a collection that is slightly more complete than others. It’s a pointless project, and ignores the doujin track sets. Basically, it’s a collection of all official Rockman music from NES’ Rockman to . . . Wii’s Rockman 9? That’s not right . . . Rockman 1 to . . . [ . . .]

I’ve compared some files with the ones I saw in a thread in the gh.ffshrine forums, and, like said above, I got hands on new files, and compared some. Luckily I have some with more ‘complete’ track sets. I’m thinking of gathering covers. There’s not much to left once I have everything. The only thing that’s left would be anime singles, every piece of doujin music, and I’m not sure what else. I’m no die-hard fan, this is really just some random ‘for fun’ thing. Just a regular fan doing regular things. . . Depending on what’s left, it ranges from about 85~95% complete. Fun, fun.

Now to stray away from that. There’s the RPGMaker 2003 project, well, kind of a port of an RPGMaker XP project. I couldn’t get the right results, and will retry later on. [I forgot how to do something, and if I could remember, maybe it'd work out . .] The plans :
Project title – Fantasy Edge [Pending], Sources – [Shining Soul 2 sprites. Cameos, N/A. Other sources TBA.] Possible midi-making for BGMs. Random luck -> nice bgm pieces. If not, will find another way around things. What else, Flash animated cutscenes. [Using sprites, of course.] [Unless you want to give me a tablet, I can't exactly sketch it all. . . well if I try, maybe, but it'll be hard.]

Story..ish : A world where many races exist. It withers from destruction, in many ways, seen and unseen. A two-sided ‘soul’. Destroy or save? Bring ruin, or bring peace? Cards of fate, souls of two, swords and axes, what will happen?

Goal : To make it as unRPGMaker2003 as possible. [To my abilities, at least.] A unique RM2k3 original creation.

System : Turn-based, loads of skills, some puzzles, a decent story, some humor, and the like. Mid-battle party switching, skill combos [sword skill + magic skill = sword skill, etc, etc.] Custom text box/bubble, weapon animation changes and armor adjustments [hopefully] . Not sure what I can do, exactly. I haven’t actually started. Focusing on getting basics down, throwing out a lengthy demo[two to three hours, I don’t really know, but whatever.

~

Too lazy to sort blog. blah. A guild member from LaTale finally got windows live messenger, and now we’re S4 Leaguing. It’s loads of fun. I restarted to join him, but there are no regrets. Found the right weapon-skill combo, fun. Still can’t get over saying “repair hair”.

Still listening to Rockman collection. Too lazy to do anything else with it.

Inner thoughts

Confused feelings. I’m not sure what to feel right now. A part of me is sad. Depressed. The other would be happy. And then there’s the part that’s filled with hate and rage. The thing linking them together would be a nonchillant side.

I’ve been thinking about so much. This mind will never stop thinking . . .

Friends – I don’t want to say that I have any, because if they were ‘real’ or ‘true’ friends, they wouldn’t be the people I know, or once knew. There’s a limit to it.. I have to honestly admit that I feel a little lonely. Not having friends…not experiencing a normal High School life . . . It’s all so strange. I’m trying to avoid these type of things on the internet, as people are more or less buddies, not actual friends. It’s sad, yet true. One day, you’re an unseperable group. The next day, you stop talking for months. No fights, nothing. You both simply stop communicating with eachother. The same applies to people you hate. You can simply run away from them. . . .

Life – Is it worth living? One of the answers I have to find out. With all these restrictions, it’s hard to say. 30 to 40 years. I’ll give it that much time to find my answers.

Career – I don’t know what I can do. Cooking? Games? I’m focused on tryinig to do some sprite work, along with some music. No actual attempts made yet, but I”m trying soon.

School – I still don’t know if I should work hard. I’m undecided on my career . . . rushing things would only create some regrets. Either way, I cause a regret..what am I supposed to do? I will regret both actions . . .

MMORPG – Is there any point left? I’ve been trying to find a decent MMORPG that hasn’t been out forever that’s actually enjoyable. I will never be able to play another Nexon game again, ever since their new terms of services. You know, the one where you give them permission to go behind your back and snoop through your whole computer and check every string of data just to see if you hack or not. LaTaling is boring, and there’s not much else left. I’m sick and tired of Closed Beta and asia-exclusive games.

I’ve been going through an allergy attack, so my eyes have been killing me. As well as my nose. I recently resumed swordplay practice and am trying to get hold of a new technique. It makes me dizzy, so overdoing things wouldn’t be smart.

People – Will my views eventually change? I hate people . . . with every act done . . . I think things like . . . “typical person” and things of the sort. I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I distancing myself from society? Am I locking myself up in a cage? I rarely leave this house. . . I am always on the computer or playing a game . . . . I can’t do anything else . .  Yet, in the end, it all comes down to people. Family applies to this list of people . . . Annoyance..hatred..dislike…I haven’t felt like my old self in some time now. The one who actually cares about these things. I’m slowly losing my grip on caring about this family.

However, if it’s in human nature, I would continue to care, even in the slightest ways possible. My parents..My brothers..my memories. It’s something that can’t simply be forgotten. Yet, I distance myself from these people. Maybe the type of experience I gained was the ‘wrong’ type. The bond in this place will never be the same. It’s the reason a part of me feels sad. It’s a depressing subject. Yet…I continue onwards..supporting myself…

The difficulty only increases as I move on. . . this is what life is .  .  . Answers are never given, experiences are incorrect, and the creatures around you enrage you. I know things aren’t as bad as they seem, but this is just a part of me. Things that slowly fade away over the course of time . . . It depends, really. I’ve been spoiled. It’s because of that, I haven’t learned much. I’ve been spoiled with material possessions. I iwas too young to take heed of any words of others. It is only now that I can recall some. Perhaps I was too naive. If I had realized things sooner. Another piece of life, huh?

Humans..we tend to forget..we tend to remember…we hate, we love…we kill, we steal, we save, we give. We destroy, we build. I think I’m starting to grow up, a little. Whenever I’m with some people, I tend to be very active..sugar rush’d basically. I laugh, I get excited, I have fun. Perhaps that is from stress, perhaps that’s a part of me that’s unconscious. Unaware of my feelings. I think I can figure out my feelings now. Hate, like, etc. There’s nothing wrong with feeling good after being isolated, is there? It’s not just an excuse, it’s a part of me.

This will keep me aware and alive for another day. Some pressure is off my hands, and my head is less foggy. Having this blog will help me cope with life, and events, from day to day, year to year. I guess I found one more positive thing about life. People who read, or people who don’t, I’m glad just knowing that I can get things out of my mind, put into words of sorts.

Extended thoughts

I’m low on words with the subject now. All I can think of now is to continue moving forward. Complaining is the only thing that can keep me sane. I figure I should become more mature. For once, I’m going to try to stick to it. This time . . .

Slowly accepting things . . Changing… I have to put more effort into living. If I die now, then everything I’m doing would be more of a waste of time. I think I would not want to die, and would be afraid. But it’s something that has to be accepted. An extra resolve.

However..I can not take back my words. . . I recall claiming to have hated a certain person related to me. It will be a grudge that I can never let go of. Regardless of what happens, I can’t take back my anger. Afterall, it’s affected me for years, unconsciously.

A reference towards being a ‘man’. A man isn’t about physical  strength or large genitals. A man is one who can accept whatever happens. A man is one who has the strength to change. One who can survive independently. One who is eager to grasp wisdom. Who cares if you cry? Who cares if you work out endlessly? What good will worrying and showing off do? I am but a simple child who will one day step forward, confronting everything at once. It may be too late, it may be a final regret, but whatever happens, I will have the ability to do it.

Similar to that, there’s the whole self-consciousness and insecurity. I have no problem mentioning many things. Insecurity is the least of my worries . . . however, it would be wise to be considerate of others who still giggle at the words penis and vagina. How about those sex crazed kids? This is related to one of those events where I confronted my thoughts, and took action. I don’t think I will ever speak of it, but it is something that I actually did.

What else?

Now I sound really corny. I’m not trying to be cool, I’m trying to be true to myself. I feel more at ease. That ease increases with each post. I’m slowly building up subconscious confidence. All that’s left is action.

For now, I will aim my attention towards RPGMaker 2003 and school. I’ve decided. I can’t just stop…I can’t run away. The only thing I can do is go forward. If I can finish my schoolilng early, I’d be able to graduate at the normal time as others. My own accomplishment. The time is slowly drawing near. There’s still college, too. I can’t really draw too well, so maybe gaming art is out of the question. There has to be something I can do. Maybe composing music? Who knows. I have to try everything there is.

Games, Anime, and Manga. TV dramas, news, sitcoms. Everything has an influence. I feel that I can learn from games and anime. To become different…I don’t know, maybe I’m just being naive? Being like that Charmander from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon…having a best friend like that. Being like Deego from Rogue Galaxy. Strong not only physically, but mentally. In a way or two. Lazarus from Shining Tears. Being a Heavy Knight, and a dragonute, to boot. I don’t know why, but I attach myself to these figures. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but it makes me feel good. Being like Lazarus, being on guard, risking my life for my friends..being like Deego, realizing mistakes, regrets, and taking action. Drinking his life away, until the main characters appeared, supporting himself. A lizard, a dragon, and a dog. One Knight, and one Ex Militant. I wonder if it’s still stupid to take on one of their names. Something that makes me feel more like me…afterall, it’s just a name. Who I am doesn’t change.

I’m able to think straight because of these influences. They may be fictional characters, but what they are to me is similar to a child looking up to his favorite athlete.  Maybe a part of me wants to belong to those worlds. To create a world where someone can relate to something. As fictional as it is, maybe it could help someone out? The part of me that has changed only to stay the same. Hating people, yet always helping them out.

Neat, I can finally realise things about myself. I guess it’s time for bed. My mind is made up, my mind will become clear over time.

Operation RPG

The first thing I need to do is to get a trailer out. I wish I could get voice acting, but that’s impossible. There may be some advanced technical things that will never be worked out, but I won’t stop.

So far, I have picked out a few choices of bgms. I’m thinking of adjusting the main character to have a different type of image, a cross between two characters. I’m not sure if the main character is actually the main character now.

I was also thinking of doing some more sketches, scan them, and use them in upcoming trailers. Too bad I don’t have a tablet or anything special. I keep having thoughts about making an anime-styled opening, if even a little anime’d. Oh well, I have to figure out how to use Flash properly first. The plans for tomorrow..partially. RPGMaker day.

That and Megaman Zero 1 is done with. It was one of the harder Megaman games I’ve played, but it wasn’t too hard. The only annoying thing would be collecting all Cyber Elves. That and I need to gain enough skill to beat 2-4 and gain enemy weapon power ups with high rank victories.

One birthday, One test, One GameCube

So far, the 17th birthday. One year to go to loosen up some legal restrictions.

State testing/STAR testing was done today, as well. I didn’t expect it to be so short, and finished it. Home Studies rule. It’s cool since, I don’t need to do a thing this week, and I’m already exhausted. Not enough sleep.

And my brother said he’ll buy me some GameCube stuff, since all *I* have is just the cube. I wonder if I can get a gameboy player?

Ah..so tired…

Dragonica Closed Beta Test! GameCube delay.

Dragonica. A side scrolling action adventure game. Online, of course. The closed beta is ongoing and lasts for 10 days, approximately. Apparently, it’s a sign that Open Beta is near. The skills are cool, funny, and sometimes stupid. As far as it goes, there’s a charge attack that a warrior has..and…it’s like Souhajin. [Azure Edge, tales series] ["Ougi! Souhajin!" was what I said when me and a few people downed a boss for..the first..maybe third time? I forgot which boss # it actually was.]

You’ve got dragons [too bad that they're npcs/background stuff.] Warriors, Mages, Archers, Thieves. The usual 4 that can eventually branch into other stuff, “secret” jobs. So far, it’s fairly fun. PvP isn’t great. In the current state, it’s a major dissapointment. The lag makes it impossible. If you’re not a cheap lagger, then it’s your loss.http://dragonica.iahgames.com/site/default.aspx

Apparently THQ[Ice] is hosting the U.S. version of Dragonica. Not much information is released, since there hasn’t been many updates as of April 16th. Actually, 5/1/2009 00:11. The preview beta from THQ is coming soon.

On another note, Birthday Cake Ice Cream. It’s more like Birthday Cake Frosting Ice Cream. It doesn’t have the taste of an actual cake, but it’s all good. What else . . .

GameCube stuff. Things are delayed, but more things will come out of it. A GBPlayer, and the SD memory card slot thingymajig. [For a system that's at it's end, even Twilight Princess (Zelda) is too expensive.] [Plus, the price of a pack of mini DVDs would be equivalent to like 5 cheap used to 2 cheap used games.]  [Piracy is bad and all, but this isn't going to hurt anyone. Maybe Gamestop or places with used games. It's true, the games have already been sold (in used cases, probably multiple times). If you feel otherwise, feel free to share your thoughts.]

So far, the needed items list : A controller or two, the AC plug(powers the system, plugs into outlet), the display cables(displays on a TV . . duh) and that’s about it. A leftover memory card, a gameboy player(hopefully) and the games(dvds) can be obtained at later times.

The Swine Flu was deadly? That’s something I haven’t realized. I’ve been gaining a cough and have been feeling slightly bad, hopefully I don’t wind up with a case of it. The regular flu is good enough. Stupid swines.

So far, so good.

I passed the Exit Exam with high marks. It really wasn’t hard. . .[unlike the  state testing . . .]

Waiting until May 12th, since that’s when all the closed beta passes are gone. For NeoSteam, that is.

Shin Megami Tensei Imagine is pretty fun. Starts off boring, but as you advance in level and expertise, you get to do so much more. Not to mention it’s easy to get money. It’s an annoyance, but you’re guaranteed some dough. [Plasma Farming, Nanako. Near obelisk. stack up 10 Tuna Cans for 5.1k. 95% chance of getting 2 per plasma]

Dragonica’s not as fun as I had hoped it’d be. I’m enjoying it, but not enjoying it enough. It feels lacking in some ways.

. . .

Again with someone. He keeps updating me on his dragonica levels. I don’t care, because there’s no point in me knowing. Seriously, he’s been doing it since yesterday. I don’t give a damn.

He’s already made it to 20 in the pre-closed beta, so it doesn’t really doesn’t matter. It’s annoying, because he keeps IMing me on AIM about it. It’s like..take a hint -_-.

Things.

The things that people say and do. Like usual, I was watching Channel 7′s news [for these late/early hours.] There was a story about Miss California. The funniest thing is how she’s neglecting her work as Miss CA, and how people are trying to defend her. Just because she’s skimping out on Miss CA work to run an anti-gay group doesn’t mean the people who want to De-crown her are discriminating against the group. Are anti-homos really that corrupted? You make gays seem bad, but what makes you better? Yes..what makes you so perfect? [For those religious freaks, you think your actions will bring you closer to 'God'? Think, stupid, think.] We all know it’s the truth, don’t deny it.

What else. The sword I practice with lost it’s handle. Slightly literal. A crack formed while I was trying something, and then a little later it snapped. Now it’s a two piece thing.

I’m also Playtesting Battlefield Heroes, and I’m loving it. One of the better third person shooters I’ve played.

Hopefully a haircut today, if I’m not exhausted from no known reason. I should get to sleep.

I think my insomnia is growing. I had this one day where I couldn’t sleep, and now I’m having these days where I’m sleeping late. Well, not so much as sleeping late, but trying to sleep and wind up sleeping hours later. [Much later. Lost in thought, perhaps? I don't know, I just want to sleep normally.]

I think I should try being more mature again. I’ve been feeling a bit too childish these past few days. I’m 17, already. I have to do something. Things are happening fast, and I can’t just sit idly by thinking and thinking. Action is the key.

So frustrating!

Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. It’s just so annoying.

Those immature kids who play online shooters. For once I’m enjoying something that has a decent community up to some level, and they end up ruining it. Just because your team has no collaboration, or are getting flanked so easily, does not mean you should insult others. Yes, I’m getting rilled up over this. It’s just stupid, because it goes from one thing to another. If I’m such a noob, how come I’m doing much better than you? Can’t think of any more insults to fling around so you have to pick at skills? This is just one sign of the stupidity that is infecting the world as we know it. Besides, I’ve played with quite a handful of people who didn’t care or didn’t comment on the subject, simply due to..they’re busy enjoying the game rather than being stupid about it.

It was the usual with the TV again. News near bed time. Kind of. I saw something about how the staff of this one building was forcing fights onto people and such. This, again, shows how stupid people are becoming. Imagine what would happen if someone had a gun. All those meaningless deaths over stupid ‘entertainment’. I probably would have done that to teach them idiots a lesson…but it’d be a waste of bullets.

An update on the Miss CA thing. Apparently, she gets to keep her crown. The actual deal was about ‘slightly’ revealing photos, ah, forget the topic.

What else… listening more to Good Morning America’s interview with her and whatshisname. Ugh, I hate it when people drag on about something. Simplify and speak with small words. One question shouldn’t take more than a minute.That’s the problem with interviews and speeches.

Then there’s the teen who was shot by police officers. It’s quite funny. Who’s more believable, the one who was shot, or the one who did the shooting? With the facts in hand, it’s not so hard to say. Who’s really to blame? The neighbor who made the 911 call. It’s as simple as that. Not. The police did happen to overreact. It was a simple game of cops and robbers, wouldn’t you want to find out information first before taking action? Telling a shocked 15 year old to drop a gun that’s actually a toy gun would be a bit rough on the teen. Ah…jeez…

Gamecube parts…it’s almost completed. A little more and then I can play some long lost games.

Currently at a loss of what to do now. There’s homework, games, rpgmaker, the like. I don’t know what I want to do, or what I should do. Ranting helped some, but now I’m just not sure. Sleeping, schoolwork, hair cut, swordplaying, it’s all just a pain. If I could, I’d like to sleep for a day or three and wake up with some renewed feel for life. My thoughts still continue to echo with an S. I have all these strange thoughts that I can’t sort out just yet. I’m so tired…Out of words. I should just get some sleep. . .

Revenge

Gotta’ love revenge. Basically, the poor gamecube belongs to the idiot. Even though the fact that he sold the one that was supposedly mine some time ago, and this is not worth more than 10 bucks. It’s in poor condition, so he can keep it. Sure, it does technically belong to him, but it also doesn’t. In this family, all he does is use money. He never saves. He never has saved. He can only take. Take, take, take. Because of him, a lot of things has happened. A little scribble I made shows that I would’ve been much better off without him. If he didn’t exist, I would’ve been able to do so much more. Hell, I would’ve been able to pay for all my consoles without needing to ask or beg.

So, to counter against him, I’m going to save up for a PS2 by xmas, as well as getting a new swap magic. But, for now, I’ve asked my mom to help me get a refurbished cube from gamestop. The gamecube is his, right? So, why not get one in much better shape? I have all the parts, and they’re officially mine. It was a verbal agreement. “Then do it.” That’s how it is.

What else. I ended up finally having my first official try at a drink. It had some lemonade type thing with..I’m not sure. It was great, and [ironically, like how depressed people drink to 'cure' their problems] made me feel better. I’m still feeling fine. Although, I do have to admit that I want more. It’s a bit rough since it was kind of a strong drink for a first time, but at the same time it was slightly weak. But, hey, it’s all good.

And, the idiot wants to move back into this room. NO WAY IN F’ING HELL. I’m sorry, but for an idiot who constantly goes through this room, isn’t it already like he lives in it? People always go through my room because it’s like a short cut. It’s annoying. And, he even stops in when I’m doing homework, just so he can burn a game. It’s a nuisance. He even stopped me to ask about a multiple .iso game. I almost lost my place in my work . . .

So, here’s what’s going to happen today. I’m going to show my little tidbit of notes that are on money and how much he contributes to systems to my mom and dad and get my dad to stop doing things for him. I mean, he got a speeding ticket all the way in bakersfield. We’re in Anaheim near Garden Grove, so it’s sad. Why would you need to go there anyways? Always out driving, never working. School? What does that matter. He already has a career. Sponging money off of people.

That’s about it. I can’t wait to have another drink.

,./?

The gamecube belongs to the idiot now. I still have proper owner rights towards the accessories/controllers, so all he has is the cube. I don’t see why he’s so mad over it. He didn’t pay anything. He was only trying to use me to get nintendo gamecube things. He will always use someone somehow. I don’t even need to give him much to reclaim the playstation 2 rights, however, with the costs from the money he used/stole/etc, he does not deserve the money.

I’ve gone as far as calculating totals from these recent few years, and not the past where we’ve had 2 other playstation 2′s as well as 3 gamecubes and about 3 xbox’s. There was the time he bought a psp but returned it early. Then there was the DS that was about to be mine. He sold it along with a friend’s Megaman Battle Network 3 cart in it. With one of the recent gamecubes, he included my friend’s paper mario the thousand year door. Oh, and to boot, that gamecube was supposedly mine, as he said it was mine. Verbal agreements can’t be broken so easily.

So, I’ve resorted to asking, and am waiting for my mom to get paid so I can get a gamecube. If I’m lucky, I’ll ask her to throw in a mini dvd pack and ask my brother for an SD card.

I’ve been thinking about this for about 40 minutes now. It’s about how to kick him out of the house without a word. Simply starting with packing up his things in boxes, leave them outside, and then enforce some type of wall or border temporarily on the sides of the house so he can’t jump over. While packing, I’ll probably throw in 30 bucks in the stuff for games. After all, the PS2 is mine. He can keep the controllers, I didn’t pay for those. The multitap, one of them, belong to me, as well. Then the two memory cards, and the many dvds and my officially purchased games as well.

As for right now, I’m thinking of taking my ps2 things and removing them from the vincity. As selfish as it seems, there’s no way I can’t let him have everything. He should pay if he wants rights. Proper property rights. As the year passes, I’ll eventually reclaim the PS2, hopefully when he moves out. He has to move out soon. if not, I’ll plan some more with the above idea about not saying a word.

Right now, I’m not afraid to kill him. I don’t fear him. I don’t have any type of feeling for him. In the past, he was a ‘good’ ‘brother’. Now, his existence is nothing but a nuisance. He’s said a lot, but he’s never done a lot. Now is the time where I strike back. 2009 started out well. A lot of things went my way. It was when I got sick, everything declined. Now I have to reclaim this year as a good year, perhaps, ‘my’ year.

I should also try to get my dad to stop doing things for him. I get ticked off easily when the idiot is involved with things. In fact, if a meal is made for him [clams], I would pass on it instantly. This grudge only continues to grow.

This seems like a one sided story, but, it’s not. I have undeniable proof written down, and it’s also in my memories. His side…he doesn’t need one. There’s no excuse to using people. There’s no excuse to constantly asking for money. There’s no excuse for anything. Not this time.

Console wars.

If only this were about nintendo vs microsoft.

The idiot has finally done it. I don’t want to have to, but it looks like I may need to take legal actions to get him as far away from me as possible. Infact, he shouldn’t even be in this house. It’s true, as he no longer lives here legally.

I don’t think I can get my games back, but I can teach him not to mess with me. The Teen years are fragile ones. What happens through it may affect you through out life. His mistakes are going to be used against him.

It may be over replaceable things, but it’s the things that he’s done. He’s spoiled. He’s stupid. He’s going to suffer.

I’m not afraid..maybe a part of me is..but I have to stand my ground, even if it will put me at risk.

Someone who took atleast 4 items I bought, also siphoned money from me over the past 9 years, as well as used me to get him stuff. And now he wants the rest of the GameCube items. Why would it be given to him if he didn’t even pay for it? After all, he DID take my stuff. I lost about $65 or more in PS2 games, and he was just using me to get GameCube items. He got mad since I kept and hid the memory card for the GC, which I specfically recall it being mine. Two years ago, he gave me the memory card along with a gamecube, controllers, and games as an early gift of some sort. Perhaps an early christmas gift.

However, he wanted to sell everything for the excuse of paying bills. I forgot and ended up giving him the card. I know my memories are right because it’s detailed. From when he sold it..which, he also sold my friend’s gamecube game, and back some time, a GBA game belonging to a friend, too.

I may argue against onesided situations at time, but just because I don’t know the other side of the story, that doesn’t mean it will always be onesided. The truth is the truth, and I am only speaking it. There are times where you lie, and times where you don’t. In these times, using lies would be stupid. Getting lies used against me would be the end of my actions, it would nullify everything I’m doing.

In order to strike back against him, I’ve prepared some legal courses of action regarding restraining orders. There are two types that I can call upon. If one should fail, I will apply the other. With my family as witnesses, and photos as visual aid and proof against his actions, I know I have enough evidence to go against him. I’m confident in winning this case, if I ever have to use it.

This is a tip to all you folks out there. Teens, realize that the people around you may affect the ways you change. Find out what they’re like and think straight. Who cares if they’re great people in your eyes. They could easily be people who discriminate against others, or even a part of one giant crime. They could be seen as idiots. It’s up to you to realize it.

To siblings, don’t treat people related to you like crap. The more you do it, the more you’ll suffer. Cherish your brothers, forge a special bond that can never be broken. Become best friends as sisters.

To others, keep an eye on things that go on in your life, house, friends, and family. Regardless of who you are, everyone is influenced in one way or another. Be it good or bad.

I honestly hope that people will start changing. Right now, everyone’s “bad”, everyone’s stupid. 2009 may be the prime time for idiots to cause problems, but it could also be the start of a solution. If only, if only…

An except from…

I’m probably going to cut and paste mostly everything I wrote. It will be used against him, opened up via Notepad. I will leave it on his computer and show the display of my rage against his attitude. I might do this, but here’s a general idea of how I feel and my choice of words.

You will probably close this and start slamming things like usual. But, read through it. The outcome will be the same, regardless.

Let’s start with some bills.

The total for the things you took adds up to $65 (Digmon World 4, Rumble Arena 2, a $25 total from a giftcard)

Plus, around two years ago, you gave me the previous GameCube as an ‘early Christmas present’. That included everything, including the memory card. But, you sold that and a PS2 for the excuse of ‘paying bills’. Also included was a friend’s GameCube game, bringing the total up to $85. This also proves that the memory card is mine, as it also would not be here if I had not taken it.

Then there was the time where you got the Nintendo DS from Courtney, with that DS was another friend’s Megaman Battle Network 3 game. Roughly an additional $8.

Before you say that I owe you $30 for the PS2, and also throwing in Shadow Hearts as a possible add-on, from $93 to $33. You owe me $30. Gifts don’t count, so that ups the bill to $63. If gifts did count, then it wouldn’t be a gift. Rather, you would have bought the item for yourself and then I would have to borrow it. In technical terms, every game you took would be mine, even if you payed for it. Gifts are gifts for a reason.

Oh yeah, let’s not forget this. The GameCube controllers are mine, as well. My birthday present from Thien. If you want them, start making actual contributions. Add in those handful of false Xbox 360 promises, included are a few $20′s. Then there are all these other times that include $20′s, as well as the $500 that you took from mom. And there was also that time where you said you were going to get a Nintendo Wii, . Get it, yet? You always say, but, you never do.

Since it won’t cost anything, I will bring something else up.

After researching… I’m not afraid to take legal actions against you.  I can file for two different claims, and do note that everyone in this house is a possible witness, and your room has the evidence that can be used against you. Every hole in the wall adds up, you know. Part of the offense relates to your short temper, and poor anger management.

Lies won’t help you here. If you don’t leave this house by the end of next month, I will force you out. For every one thing you’ve taken away from me, I will take two things from you. 9 years will finally add up.

If you think I am joking, then feel free to try me. I guarantee that the outcome will work against you.

Time to call it a day.

Everything’s saved, I’m calm and collected, and it’s now time to sleep.

I just love my brain. Thinking a lot isn’t a bad thing. But, it has its flaws. I just thought of the fact that he doesn’t live here legally anymore can be used against him as is.

Ahhhh, time to relax in bed. Then I have things to take care of…

I’ve finally started up on my RPG, sort of. I’m doing sprite work and editting them into proper battle animation sheets take forever. One mistake calls for endless re-do’s. I’ve made border/guide lines to help with the placement, but I haven’t gotten an actual perfect line size. Adjusting the sheet until it’s perfect is  my only option. For now, I just need to get to it.

Warrior Epic

Recently released, Warrior Epic is a usual point-and-click MMORPG, but it comes with a twist.

Skills consume no mana, and sometimes has up to two types of upgrades possible. Upgrading CoolDowns mean you can reuse the skill sooner, and adding power..well, adds power.

It’s lobby based, so to get to the action, you have to start from the launcher, then the lobby [or for starters, the tutorial.] And then you can find a room to enter. The rest of the things like upgrading and buying stuff comes later. Well, buying stuff isn’t exactly stuff, since the item shop uses Gold, cash shop currency, for actual stuff. Because skills have no MP cost, since there is no MP, you can either use a healer or get some gold and buy the HP itemshop potions. One use is full HP

Aside from the 12 classes, gender-locked, everything has relatively low HP. Basically, until the later higher levels, you won’t have 100 HP. You will barely even have 50 by level 5, and that’s a maybe. Then again, I was using a Pangolan Shaman.

www.warriorepic.com – It’s weird, but it’s fun.

Finally…

Three rare gems have been obtained. Shining Tears + Shining Wind – Complete Music Collection. I love ST’s soundtrack and am glad to have the official release. As rare as it is, finally…even though it’s a digital copy.

And then to boot, a ‘backup’ copy of Shining Tears JP. If I can only learn how to undub..or atleast get the programs needed. Undubbing that would be great. I could finally hear the Japanese voices. The translation for the script is nice, SEGA did well. Apparently, comparing two .iso’s, the JP version is 100MB bigger. I suppose that’s all the voicing it has. Quite a lot?

A loss

I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. More and more events arise, more and more pressure lands on my mind. It’s painful not knowing what to do. It’s painful when no one does anything until it’s too late. Why are humans such selfish beings? There are no more excuses. People are just selfish. Excuses are similar to the internet. People hide behind them because they can’t face anything. It’s their own escape.

I don’t know what to feel anymore. It’s one thing after another. Who do I listen to? What action do I take? This is frustrating. I can’t not do anything…but I can’t not not do anything…

Guess I’m also selfish. I want to live slowly, to decide on what type of career choice would be possible. I want to enjoy life without a certain person. I can’t ever lose this grudge. Whatever happens, I will always hold this hatred. To be able to play anything, sleep at any time, the like. I don’t even have friends. I guess, this is just me being me.

My head still hurts a little. I have lost the will to carry on. For the time being..I just can’t stop. I have to do something… for myself.

Hmm

Having a nitendo Wii is great and all, but with no actual games, it’s not really..usable. Kind of bored these days. Hoping it’d rain a little. Yesterday’s “little” was NOT little. It only lasted about 5 seconds to a minute before subsiding.

Summer’s coming up…and I have to start on my homework eventually. MMORPGing all day won’t help much.

Kind of like…something to use for bragging, it’ll shut a few people up and show what determined people are capable of.

So much to do…is there enough time…? I still want to procrastinate, though… it’s what you do when you feel like crap. Phases are phases, but there are still things you should know… it doesn’t blind you, it just confuses you.

Ah….so tired……

Tears to Tiara

Fun PC game. 4 years late, but the translation patch is a little more recent. Guess it’s not too late, but a little late.

It’s a fun game, but if you keep your levels up to be on par with the enemy, it’s more on the easy side, if you’re under leveled then it’s practically impossible.

A real-time strategy JRPG. I hear that people tend to play through it on auto-battle, but I hate auto stuff. Besides, if a game is too easy, create challenges. Stick with starting gear, fight at low levels, etc. [Low levels & Tears to Tiara on Impossible..it's more or less impossible...]

The PS3 version has updated graphics and is turnbased, wish there was some way to get a small image update. The characters just look too weird and dated after seeing the anime.

Slight annoyance

It still annoys me whenever ‘he’ gets mentioned by my parents. It’s irritating when they do things so casually after what has happened. He practically threatened my mom to continue staying here, and my dad keeps treating him like nothing went on. It’s frustrating because my hatred will never go away. The more I think about it, the more it adds to my rage. It’s something that can’t be dealt with…

I’m at a bit of a loss, but eventually it’ll erupt and I’ll finally get to show how I really feel. I  want to kill him, but that’s something that can’t be done. It’s not worth the ‘effort’ to kill him.

It just digs at me, with each passing thought…

Ah…how frustrating.

Am…I…?

Guess I am a furry whether I like it or not.

NS news.

So, it seems like I won an amazing prize, steampunk goggles. I didn’t expect it, or more..I forgot about it. Still, it’s kind of hard to handle, it’s just so sudden. Ah whatever, I’ll think about it later, I’ll just bask in this joy. Thinking about it brings me a smile!

AHhhhhhhhhhhh

NeoSteam moments….

Today has been boring. not sure what to do, tired.

So many comments from nowhere. I’m afraid to look, but, can it really hurt? Probably. Endurance!

~

So there are a lot of things on my todo list. Too tired, so procrastinating some. Blog comments..use..english..or a translator atleast..

@ Comment

“kid, get a life. ure just loosing life time that u will never get back. seriously, not dishing u, not making fun, its just reallity”

No offense, but, “what do you know?” Listening to music is enjoyment, collecting remnants of the past to enjoy is a part of that enjoyment, I learned stuff that I never knew, information dealing with a video game character I -grew up- with.

Also, Life is life. As you live, you lose time that will never return, so why just sit there dying, I mean, do you think everything needs a reason? Do you think everyone doesn’t waste time?  Posting your comment is waste of time you’ll never get back, and my replying isn’t time I’m getting back. But, do I care? Partially, and not really.

Sure, there are no bad intentions with your comment, but it feels insulting… I am a gamer who loves and respects games, mostly ignoring flaws. And with music is a big part of it… I’m curious on how it’s a waste of time. In all honesty, please, tell me why I need to get a life for this, and why what I’m doing is a waste of time. It can be very inspirational, which is why I want to learn how to play a piano, and try my hand at being a composer one day.

I love collecting music, and, well, the reason they exist is to be listened to.

You’re basically saying you’ll repeat the same mistakes over and over and to just give up, because it wastes time. And the lesson is not to give up since you learn from those same mistakes, experience comes from that wasted time.

I love these type of comments. They are just so fun.

Wiiii

Wii games. and a Nintendo Wii. I can finally enjoy the games I’ve missed out on. Not much, but there are quite a few good things. The wii is like an upgraded PS2. That said, it’s also fairly easy to start pirating. Then again, I’m not going to pay 60 bucks for an import or 50 bucks for something that’ll be done in a day. Though, I still want an Xbox 360 for some good RPGing.

With that said, it seems that people no longer know how to appreciate games. It’s not all about graphics, and gameplay vary from person to person. Megaman was great. Mario was great. Sonic was great. The 2D era was great. But, now, it’s all about how a game looks and plays. [The irony in this lies with the SSBB threads lying around in GameFAQs. I read for kicks, and it seems like some people need to be kicked. Learn to appreciate the damn game and stop bitching about it. Not like you could make a better game. Put up or shut up.]

Ahh..people these days are really pissing me off.. [NeoSteam events, retarded trolls.] I think I’ll just give up and move on. People won’t change, simply because they’re stupid. If that’s the case, it’s up to myself to keep on moving. To block out all influence. To show them up at their own games. FPS games and MMOs like MapleStory will prepare you for these type of events. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. Trolls are morons who only want attention, and will slowly die out when you keep destroying what they say. They can’t continue on because they know they’ll lose. They only want the attention and to win the internet. It’s just outright redundant with how often they appear, though. If I had one wish, I would use it to make people smarter and more mature -_-. Ridiculous idiots. Just too ridiculous.